Sticks and Stones

I remember hearing those words.   

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.""

Boy, what a crock!    I mean, if anything, words (as we know now) hurt more than anything.  Those statements you heard when you were little, or maybe even as a young adult, those attacks, or lies, or just mean things said...they stay with you.   And they echo easily.   And even now, we probably try to make sure that we never hear them again.  Either by performing well enough.  Or seeking the approval of others.   Whatever it is, we want to make sure we don't hear the voices of rejection.

My daughter is 4.   She heard today, for the first time, "I'm not your friend anymore."   I can't believe that it is already that time.   For there to be drama among her friends.   For there to be hurtful words spoken.   For there to be rejection just waiting to set in.

At first it made me mad.   Mad at the one who said it.  Mad at kids who think that's ok to say.   Mad at preschool for letting it happen (because you know, anything that happens there is their fault, right??!!)   Just kidding.   But mainly, just sad.  Sad for her little heart already experiencing what I long for her to never know.    Sad that she has to now fight off these cruel words that would seek to tear her down.   Or tell her that she isn't wanted.   Or isn't good enough.   Or cool enough.   Or whatever.

But as much as I would love for my children to never have to experience hurt or pain, I know that we live in a world where there is pain.   There is rejection.   There is suffering.    Even in a preschool classroom.

I hugged her tight.   And told her that no matter what anyone says, or how she feels that there is One who will never tell her that.    He thinks that she is the coolest friend anyone could ever have.  And He ALWAYS wants to be with her.    I said, "Do you know who that is?"  She kind of looked up at me with the "I know, Mom." look, as I said, "Jesus."    I know that it's the typical encouraging mom answer, but it's true.   And I know that if I had known that in 6th grade when my best friend said that to me, in front of all my other friends, I would have felt a little bit better.     I'm glad I know how true it is now.   I'm glad that I can tell the next generation.

I know that we each have our own stories of overcoming rejection and hurt.  Do you remember having those words spoken to you?   How old were you?    I'm always intrigued with how easy it is to remember the hurtful words, and how hard it is to believe the truth of who we are.   We each have to fight to believe that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made" (psalm 139:14) every day of our lives.  But choose to believe it!!   

Congrats to...

I tell you what...you know how to make a girl feel good!   Thanks for all of your kind words and encouragement for the shop.    That was worth every penny of that $25 gift certificate!    ;)   But seriously, the insight into what people like the most is super helpful, so thank you so much for your time and thoughts put into it!

And the winner is.....

Chief at Homestic Affairs!

For any of you who participated in this survey, I would still  like to offer you a little something.   So, for anyone who does any Christmas shopping with me, I will take off 10% of your bill AND give you free gift wrapping.    Thanks again, and if you purchase anything, just remind me that you're one of the ones who participated in the giveaway.     Can't wait to help you!

I Need Your Help Giveaway!!

Ok, so here's the deal.    I'm having some shows this fall and going to be putting money down upfront rather than taking specific orders.   But because I'm ridiculous and am scared that I'll pick all the wrong things and then no one will buy any of them, I can't decide which things will be the most enticing.    I want people to be able to shop and get there, and get it all wrapped up, instead of having to place orders.   But here's my dilemma.    I want to make sure that what I get is going to be wanted.    I mean no one likes to sit around and not be chosen.

So, for your help, I'm going to do a drawing for a free $25 gift certificate to Rekoncile Design.   Here's how you enter.

Go to our store site.

Find your top 3 favorite things.

Comment here and tell me what they are, which will enter you in the contest.

Link back on your site, and get entered twice.

Sound like a good deal?    For about 5 min. of your time, I'd sure like to have $25 for Christmas shopping!   Hurry, because I only have a few days before I'm making my next order.   I'll choose the winner Monday, the 29th.   Godspeed!!

Secrets...A Coat of a Different Color

Everywhere you look these days, color is making more of an entrance to our wardrobes. Not only in cute shirts, but in accessories, too. Instead of just choosing from black, white, brown, and gray, now we have every color of the rainbow to choose our shoes, coats, jewelry, and bags. Which brings me to my secret of the week.

Choose a Coat of a Different Color!!

A few of my girlfriends gave me a great red pea coat for my birthday last year, and even if I'm wearing a t-shirt underneath, with my red coat, jeans, and hoop earrings, I feel cute. I love it. Of course I do - it's red. Look how pretty these are...

Now, let me just say, I'm not saying to go buy one and go into debt just to look more stylish. I am NEVER saying that. But, if you're in the market for a new coat, you should definitely go with a color or pattern!!

the start of fall

my daughter asked me the other day which day was the start of fall. i hadn’t even realized it, but that day was the first day of fall. and the last couple days it has truly felt like the beginning of fall. today i got to take the babies outside just for a little playtime and it made me remember even more why i love the start of fall.

i love having to grab a jacket.

i love seeing my cute little boy in a hooded sweatshirt.

i love not having to swat at mosquitos the entire time we’re outside, no matter how much bug spray you put on.

i love being able to stay outside long enough for me to type a post, without sweating all over the computer.

i love hearing the leaves rustle in the wind

i love that the sun is shining just enough to make me feel warm all over.

i love seeing hints of red in the leaves that are just starting to change color

i love seeing less bugs and more birds.

i love hearing geese overhead flying south for the winter.

i love that my dog will lie at my feet without scratching fleas incessantly.

i love having to sip my coffee to stay warm.

i love having a leaf fall on my keypad as if to say, “Hello, there! Just passing through.”

Projects of the Weekend

Ok, so a survey is too much work for you, huh? Well, instead of taking a survey, I'll thrill you with before and after pictures...because I don't have too much else to say right now. My brain is mainly on house these days.

Randy and I have been slowly trying to update our house little by little. Along with the things in our house. This is our main "living room" where we are most of the time. The kids play in here, watch shows in here, color, etc. But I've never wanted any area of my house to feel like a playroom. So, I like being able to hide things away in bins and drawers, and have a spot for everything. It gets tricky with not much closet space. Every piece of furniture ends up having a storage function. So anyway, I love this wall in here, but the windows are kind of odd, and figuring out how I wanted to cover them has been a little challenging. I really love having the natural light, but we also wanted something to cover the wall of windows. So here's when I just had some fabric tacked up at the top.

And here's with fabric and trim. During the day, I can still open them, but at night we don't feel like we're on display for all to see.

here's close up

And then, we've been wanting to paint our mismatched dining room chairs all black, so I've been working on that a little, too. So, everywhere I go people look at my black fingers from the spray paint leaking all over my fingers. But I like them a lot more black.

Hopefully, I'll have more enlightening things to say soon. :)

"Secrets..."

These boots were made for walking!!! I know probably most of you have a pair, so bring them out!! Wear them with skirts or dresses. Wear them with pants tucked in. Wear them with boot cut pants or jeans. JUST WEAR THEM!

Boots are probably my favorite fall shoes. You can wear them so many different ways, with so many different things! And you can usually get a good pair from anywhere from $30 - $50 and sometimes you can get them on sale where if you buy one pair, you can get the second pair for 1/2 off. Now if you're going designer, you can bet they'll be more. If you want designer, but not designer price, try somewhere like this haven and try to get a better price.

I bought a cute pair for only $25 on our anniversary trip, and am wearing them for the first time today. I'm so happy. My feet are so happy. They're cute, but they're so comfy!

Ok, so if you've never bought a pair, or its time for a new pair, here are my tidbits of advice for picking some out.

1. Choose a neutral color that would go with most things you wear (brown, tan, black, gray)

2. Spend time in the store walking, running, etc. to make sure they don't rub too much anyone place. If you can feel them a lot in one area in the store, you can bet that you'll have a blister in that same place after a day of being in them. (i.e. if you can tell they're hitting your big toe and rubbing a little bit, they'll rub a lot more later)

3. Get a height that you feel comfortable walking in. If they're so tall that you feel like you're going to be wobbly, wait and get less of a heel. A medium size (2 inch) chunky heel is the most comfortable and gives you the most variety. You don't look quite as dressy in them, but they still go well with skirts, and you're not balancing on a pin top all day. There are also a ton of flat boots, rain boots, and Hunters that look great with skirts and dress pants. So, if you use to ride, pull those old riding boots out, and shine them up!

4. Pay enough that you know they are going to be quality, but don't spend a fortune. My boots that I got are a really nice name brand of shoe, but they were just on a great sale. Originally, they were around $70 I think. But I wouldn't have paid that, just because I'm a cheapskate. But for $25 I adore them. My point...try to get a good pair...on sale. Don't just go and get the first pair you find at Payless - not that I'm knocking Payless. I just know how much I wear my boots. You want to be able to wear them all the time, and still have them look great.

5. You can't go wrong with style right now. From riding boots to pointy toe high heel boots, they're in. From cowboy to city girl, they're in. From short to high, they're in. From wide at the top to tight at the top, they're in. From slouchy to fitted on your calf, they're in.

6. Get a pair that you can wear under or over pants. Not ones that are so bunchy and wide that they make your pants bubble up when you wear them under your pants. But ones that are too tight don't allow you the option of tucking pants in.

7. Get some that are stylish and classy, but not so trendy that you won't like them next year. For instance, these are all hot off the runway, but, I don't think that they'll last more than a couple seasons.

So, go try some on, pick you a pair, and have fun kicking up your heels!

Just One of those Mornings

Last night before we went to sleep, Randy and I talked about getting up early enough to have some coffee and pray together before the kids woke up.   It sounded so nice to think about having a little bit of time to connect with each other and the Lord before the day got rolling.

At 7:30 when our little girl woke us up by coming in to say 'good morning', I knew it wasn't going to be the way we talked about.

At 7:45 when I said I would play babies for a second, I knew I would regret saying yes later.  Not to mention, cleaning up a bit of mouse poop on the toy chest.   Great, we have mice.

At 8:15 when we were sitting down to eat pancakes, as yummy as they were, I knew we were going to be late.

At 8:30 when I pulled the covers up on our bed and saw a flea on the sheets (ok, in my head it goes like this, "saw a FLEA ON MY SHEETS!!!"), it just added to the frustration.

At 8:45 when I was trying to find raincoats because of the downpour outside, I was beginning to say things like, "We CAN'T have pancakes on weekday mornings!"

At 8:52 when we were running out the door, I heard my phone ringing, and didn't have time to stop and say, "I'm so sorry we're running late", but I did yell to my poor husband, "MOVE YOUR CAR, it's behind mine!!!"

At 9:00 I was calling him back to say I was sorry for being so rude and I wasn't trying to blame him, but I just "HATE the stress of always running behind!   We've GOT TO CHANGE something or I'm gonna go CRAZY!"    River says from the backseat, "Mommy, you don't have to say, 'hate'."   It was a lot better than the words I wanted to use, but I just kept my mouth shut.

And at 9:05 when we arrived 15 minutes late in the pouring down rain, I knew I was going to need a boost for the rest of the day to have any kind of redemption.

So, I drove all the way across town, in the rain (have I said it was raining, yet?) to the drive through Starbucks, with the two babies in the backseat.   I hadn't ever had one of these, but I knew that it was what I wanted.    And boy did it do the trick.   The only problem was that I didn't get a grande.    

As I drove home in the rain, I knew that my little bit of a horrible day wasn't really that bad, in the grand scheme of things, but sometimes it's nice to know that a warm cozy drink and a couple minutes of rainy day music can turn your day around.

Little Dolls

When I was a little girl, I dressed up everything that I could get my hands on.    I really didn't like "playing" with dolls, but I loved dressing them up.    Changing their outfits and making new ones.   And just giving them different looks.    I had a whole wardrobe of doll clothes.   When I got tired of dressing my dolls, I would try dressing my stuffed animals...and my real animals, like my cat, Smokey.   Smokey wasn't a big fan of looking like a doll.   I thought he looked cute, though.    All this to say, I've always loved playing dress up.

Friday, while Asher was napping, River and Maddie decided to play dress up.    Well, I should say, River decided.    I just got Maddie all ready to join in the fun.

Pretty cute, huh?   Maddie obliges me some days when I want her to try on a new tutu or dress that I've made (to size it), but then she doesn't really want to take it off.   Like River, she really loves being a little doll.   River never minded me dressing her up, or trying something on her.   She's always loved dress up, and always loved being a girly girl.    Not that all girls are supposed to be like that, it just makes it really fun for me!    I remember when she was only a couple weeks old, just HAVING to try on her first bathing suit, that her "Aunt" Kari had gotten her.   She was super cute in it, of course.    And she didn't have a choice about it then.   But, maybe I brainwashed her early enough to get her to love it.    So even though Maddie's not mine, just by default of spending her days over here, she gets me doing things like putting in this little pony tail.   That TEENY TINY little pony tail.   I wish I had the picture in the computer of when I first could put River's hair in pig tails.   Much like Maddie, she had a mullet for the longest time.   So, when it was finally long enough to do girly things with it, I LOVED it!     And she didn't ever mind.   Which is really fun because now I get to do things like this.

that was her last first day of preschool

And Asher lets me do cute hats with him.   Oh, the best of both worlds, I tell ya!   Ok, off to fold the laundry.   Exciting stuff around here, I tell ya!    Oh, but just in case you were wondering, YES the pirates played today and YES THE PIRATES BEAT TULANE by scoring a touchdown with 2 min. left in the game!!    Go ECU!    Look out Wolfpack!!!!     

Confessing P.O.O.P.I.E.?

Well, the Nester is at it once again! Ridding the world of disastrous decor, one flower at a time. This is an area that I have to say, I'm pretty passionate about. When helping a friend spruce up her house last year, the first thing I did was go to the HUGE arrangements of fake flowers, and say, "How much do you love this? Because it really needs to go." But sometimes, I confess, it's hard to figure out, what's good and what's not. I've got plenty of mishaps over here at my house, just waiting to be redeemed. Or rekonciled, if I do say so myself. ;) So check out the Nester, and look on all the other great blogs to get good ideas, or see what NOT to do!!

These did look pretty when they were real. Someone please take them out of my front door!!! I've been wanting to do a fall wreath, and just haven't gotten to it...so there ya go - a BAD front door welcome arrangement.

I like all these fun outdoorsy things mixed with other things, and I wanted my little bunny to have a place to rest. So, here ya go, little bunny. Isn't she cute!? Whatever little things River finds outside, I just put in there. Yes, even the cicada shell.

Ok, this is just SAD. I got these really cheap to be able to put into my Christmas tree last year to give it a little more flare. Since then, they've pretty much been hiding in my dining room, and after the kids played "Palm Sunday" with them, over and over again, they just look so sad. I mean, it's like palm pig tails or something. Again, I need to TAKE THEM AWAY!

This is one of my favorite yard sale things ever - and why? Because I got it from the Nester's yard sale. I know, I know, it's sad that I have to use her trash, but hey, when it's cheap, and looks great, why not?! So, these have been from one end of my house to the next, and they've fallen apart and I glue them back together. But I still love them. Nester, you see anything else that looks familiar? ;)

Here's another thing from the summer - I mean, it's NOT like it's FALL YET! I don't have my PUMPKINS OUT YET! Gosh, give a girl a break. heehee.

So, yes, I'm a P.O.O.P.I.E. but they're are lots of things around my house that could use a good refreshing!!!

Secrets of a Sassy Mama

Ok, girls, I'm not sure how this is gonna go over...but I have some good news (I hope it's good news)...and you may have already realized this.   Especially if you're star watchers.    ANYWAY...here it is...

High waisted pants are back in style.

Have you seen them around?    It usually takes our part of the country about 6 months to a year to catch onto new trends, so you may have or you may not have.   But they are.

I got a pair of skinny high waisted jeans last spring, and I absolutely LOVE them.    Now, you may not be into the skinny jeans, and especially if you're a more full figure, I would say, you should lean toward the flare leg pants.   But, I love how the high waisted pants aren't falling down and showing my butt every time I sit down.   I love having my stretch marks and my flabby baby belly all tucked in.     It makes me feel like I have a flat tummy again!   I wish it were true.    And even though none of us are gonna go out on the street looking like this...

at least we know that when we go get some dress pants for the fall, we can look for the cute new high waisted pants and jeans that tuck us all in!   

*Remember to not get pants that are too tight and make your hips look bigger.    You want the line to fall nicely down from your waist to your hips.   And I do think that I like the flare leg better with the high waist, than the skinny leg.   But that's just me.    I think that it lends to a more flattering look for most figures.   Ok, let me know if you've braved these beauties!

It's Happening....

At bedtime tonight while my son was laughing about burping and then saying "Cuse me" over and over again (how in the WORLD do boys pick up on that so early???), my daughter, 4, asked me how babies come out of Mommies.

Wow.   I mean, I knew it would happen soon, I just wasn't expecting it this soon.    

I said, "Wow, River, that's a big question."

Her reply was..."Do they break out of their tummies?"

"No, Mommies have to push them out."

"From where?"

"Well, they have to push them out of their bottoms."   (I know this is kind of a cop out.  Because I didn't want to get too explicit.   "Bottom" is a more general term for that region.)

She giggled and then said, "Oh....(pause)...How do the doctors push them out?"

"The mommies push the babies out.    Not the doctors.   The doctors help pull the babies out as they are coming out."

"Oh.  Did you have to push with your hands?"

"No, with my tummy muscles and my bottom muscles."    (clear enough, right?)

Giggling again, "I bet you were tired!"

"Yeah, I was."    sighing and remembering very clearly how exhausted I felt.

Randy chimed in, with, "Yeah, Mommy was pretty remarkable!"   (that's always fun to hear again.)

Anyway, I'm sure many questions will ensue, so if you've done this before and you have good advice, BRING IT ON!!!     I'm just waiting for....

"Mommy, where do babies come from?" 

Duh duh duh duhhhhhhh!     

I'm sure I'll do exactly what my mother did.   March myself down to the library and check out Where Do Babies Come From, and read it slowly with her.     I'd rather her understand it clearly from me, than overhearing weird different explanations from other kids.     It's just all happening soooooo fast!!!    

Improvising Recipes and Loving those Pirates

I have this problem. I always think I have more than I do. This can apply to time, food, or really anything. If I see the bottle, I think there's plenty, and I'll offer you a glass. Until I pour, and realize all I have is a sip. If I have 30 min. until I have to pick up River from pre-school, I can hit the store for a couple things. It's like I'm afraid of wasting any amount of time, or something wacko like that. You know, always using my time "wisely".

And on and on.

It's been passed down to me rightly by my father who is notorious for being behind schedule. I've tried to overcompensate for my scheduling, by trying to have my "leave time" for something be like 30 min. ahead of when I should be there, so that maybe I'll actually be leaving on time. It's a sickness.

So anyway, this past weekend, I wanted to make some of these really yummy apricot crumbles to take to a family gathering. I figured since I had seen the apricot perserves in the fridge, that I could make them. I knew that I didn't have the ginger, so it was between lemon, lime, or orange. I decided to go with lime, even though I wasn't real sure how apricot-lime crumbles would be. But, it didn't keep me from starting the recipe.

I began mixing together the ingredients. Butter...No problem. Flour....I only had about a cup left of all purpose, but 2 whole bags of self rising. Why? I have no idea. I probably thought I was getting all purpose. So, in went 1 cup of self rising. Which meant that I had to adjust the baking powder amount. So, down I go, everything else is ok. Sugar...fine. Brown sugar....plenty. Until I got to the apricot perserves. I went to get the 3/4 cup out, and only about 1/4 cup comes out. Definitely not enough to spread across the entire crust. So, I decide I'll do strawberry instead. I stuck to the plan to use the lime instead of the ginger. So, I added lime zest and a little lime juice.

My crust was supposed to still feel crumbly, but it wasn't. And it wasn't at all the same recipe that I had wanted. I almost didn't take them. We were supposed to be bringing "our favorite cookie", and this was something I had never even tried.

Here's the original recipe for apricot crumbles - which are quite delicious.

2 sticks unsalted butter (cold and cut into pieces)

2 cups all purpose flour

1/3 cup sugar

1/4 cup light brown sugar

1 tsp. baking powder

1/4 tsp. kosher salt

1 egg yolk

1 tsp. vanilla

3/4 cup apricot jam or preserves

1 tsp. grated fresh ginger

Heat oven to 375. Coat 8 inch square baking dish with 1 tablespoon of butter. Combine flour, sugars, baking powder, and salt. Add remaining butter and mix until crumbly. Add egg yolk and vanilla and mix until it comes together, but is still crumbly. Transfer 1/2 cup of dough to a small bowl and refrigerate. Use your fingertips to press the remaining dough into the dish, pushing the dough up 1/4 inch around the edge. Combine the jam and ginger in a small bowl. Spread mixture over crust evenly. Crumble the remaining refrigerated dough over the top. Bake until golden, about 35 min. Cool before cutting.

But here's the recipe that it ended up being. - strawberry lime crumbles - which were also pretty impressive.

2 sticks unsalted butter (cold and cut up)

1 cup all purpose flour

1 cup self rising flour

1/3 cup sugar

1/4 cup brw sugar

1/2 tsp. baking powder

1/4 tsp. kosher salt

1 egg yolk

1 tsp. vanilla

3/4 cup strawberry preserves

1/8 grated lime zest

1/2 tsp. fresh lime juice

Follow the same directions as above, just substitute the strawberry preserves and lime for apricot and ginger.

I guess it's good to improvise. I'm just glad they were edible. ;) I did get lots of requests for the "loveliness" as my sister named them. Mainly, it was just really good to get together with family. Family that I love a lot, but see a little. Family that is always fun and never boring. I really enjoy them a lot.

And the day ended more perfect than I could ever have imagined, because my unranked, sometimes unknown, hometown team, of East Carolina, beat #8 ranked West Virginia 24 to 3!!!! That's right - they didn't even let them get a touchdown!!!!! Go PIRATES!!!

Secrets of a Sassy Mama

If someone asked me what accessory I wear the most, or what accessory could I not do without, I would definitely say... my big hoop earrings. I love my hoops. I wear them with anything. T-shirts...check. Dresses...check. Fancy pants...check. Tunics....check. Bathing suit...check. You're laughing, I know. I could go on and on.

A couple of years ago when I saw them having a come back, I got a couple pairs. Most of them on the smaller side. And over the past couple years, I've gotten a couple more pairs, and they just keep getting bigger and bigger. I love my big hoops the best, but any of them are fun. And not just circular hoops. Square ones are great, too, or oval hoops. They are so classic. And pretty. They're not overwhelming with bling, but just enough to be noticed. I feel like they are the must-have accessory.

And let me tell you - you can pull off bigger than you think. If a quarter size is what you feel comfortable with, go with that. But next time, maybe you'll get a little bit bigger. I like to get the ones that have like 3 sizes in one pack. So you can start small and get bigger as you go. Or for some outfits, you want small hoops. They're really great, too. You just can't go wrong people! You do have to warm up to the big ones, but I think they're super fun.

Is their an accessory that you can't live without? Do tell!!!

A Beautiful Mess

I read a great quote the other day...

"We should all do what, in the long run, gives us joy, even if it is only picking grapes or sorting the laundry."   ~ E.B. White

I enjoyed it at the time, thinking how true it is.    And most days, I know that I am doing exactly what in the long run will give me the most joy I could ever ask for.   But some days, are not so simple to see that joy.    Some days are spent on long car trips, with whining children, and irrational requests.    Or on endless chores that only seem to lengthen in their estimated time of completion.

Yesterday when we got home from our labor day vacation, we still had a couple hours in the day left, which I was planning on spending inside - getting ready for our first back-to-normal week.  (i.e. laundry, unpacking, filling out forms, planning our meals, etc.)   But instead, I ended up outside, cleaning big plastic bins out, organizing the back deck, and cleaning cobwebs off our outdoor furniture.   Because those things were so pressing.   ;)

I figured I would make it "fun" for the kids by filling up the bins with soapy water and letting them enjoy a warm afternoon with some water play.   My daughter went inside to get into more appropriate clothes (her decision, not mine), and then came back out ready to play.   While I was very focused on my task, and not wanting to be disturbed, she filled up a huge super soaker and without my knowing came up really close and completely blasted me with it.    Cold, wet, soapy water ALL over me.

First, I screamed.   Then I backed up and told her "Stop!"   When finally the super soaker was all out of water, I was so irritated.   And cold, and now soaked.   Which you would think wouldn't be that big of a deal.   So, what do you think this mature fun filled mother did?    I backed up and blasted her and her 22 month old brother with the full force hose.     Pretty much in the face.   Then yelled that that was what it was like.    And asked if they liked that?! Nice, huh.

I felt like I was 2.    I went over to my two, now crying children and apologized and dried them off.   We all hugged, and I said I hadn't meant to get their faces.     Like that softens the blow.    I was reminded of how much I want to be the "good mom" who never makes a mistake.  Or ever reacts immaturely, but always has the perfect reaction to EVERY situation.   No pressure or anything.    The beauty lies in the fact that I can't ever be good mom.  That, I will always need Jesus to cover my weaknesses.   I'll always need Him to have the power to react in love.   And sometimes when I don't, I'll always need His forgiveness and strength to show me how to not live under shame.

A few moments afterward I could laugh at what an idiot I was.   How immature I had acted, and how I reminded myself of a five year old on a playground.   But it's good to be reminded.   It's good to remember that I can't be perfect.   I see that every day - it was just really out loud yesterday.   Because they definitely don't need perfection.   They just need to see Christ.