The Gift of a Girl

Recently, I've been going on dates with my daughter on Friday mornings. It didn't start as a "planned" event, as you might think. No, the Lord has actually been very kind to give us this time together, and it has all been His idea.

A few weeks ago, we were going to be going separate ways for the weekend, and so I thought a morning date would be a fun thing for us to do before school started. So, we woke up early, and grabbed her God's Little Princess Devotional Bible, and had a fun time of eating ChickFilA for breakfast and talking about the Lord together. After having such a sweet time that morning, I thought how much we needed that time together, and how it really could be a weekly thing. So, for the past few weeks, we have continued the tradition, and have been going through the women of the Bible. And, it has been such a blessing.

I have always felt that the relationship between a daughter and mother is one of the most complicated relationships there is. Not only is it a challenging one, it is most crucial to remain vigilant about the enemy's schemes to divide. My daughter is the sweetest of girls, however, even the sweetest of girls have the sinful nature that women tend to have.

I guess it really started about the time she turned two. It was as if I could all of a sudden see flesh patterns really beginning to come out. Since then, I have struggled with having my feelings hurt, feeling manipulated, or holding grudges because of being intentionally mistreated. I have felt rejected and controlled, and unable to understand why she would have such strife with me. Of course, Daddy is her hero, and can do no wrong, and she could snuggle with all day, but the second I try to hug her, she's off. I have seen first hand her manipulation, control, and defiance.

I remember when she was only 3, having a dispute with her about something, and then her stomping down the hall as loud as she could and slamming the door behind her. As much as I wanted to storm in after her, yelling that she "WOULD NOT EVER DO THAT AGAIN!", I quickly felt the Holy Spirit, grab the back of my shirt to hold me back, and then very gently say,

"Don't do this. Don't start this. Don't allow this type of fighting even have a foothold in your relationship."

It was as if, I saw her at 16, and me at 40something and screaming at the tops of our lungs at each other and having wounds that ran too deep to know how to have healing. And I knew, I did not want to start it.

I am the only one to teach my daughter what a woman of God looks like. I am the one that will really be her teacher. Sure, she'll have lots of role models, and mentors, but her real live, first hand, in person example, is...big ol' me. And boy, do I feel small.

I have known for a while that I would have to be relentlessly pursuitful of my sweet girl. Otherwise, it won't just happen in our crazy life. I will have to choose to pursue her. Even when she is rude. Even when she doesn't treat me well. Even in the face of rejection and disdain. I will have to be the one to be the leader in loving her with Christ's love. To not allow the enemy use my insecurities and fears to play out against each other.

More than anything I want to show her how much the Lord loves her. How to trust in Him when all else fails. Because all else will fail. And how much I long for her to fully believe Him. Because only in Him is truth found. But first, I need to know how much He loves me. I need to believe Him. I need to trust Him. Only then, will I have the strength to know how to listen and how to talk. How to train and how to love. How to be a mom to this precious gift of a girl.

Coming to a Close

This month has been really fun to celebrate poems and songs. I've even tailored my preschool lessons to teach each of the kids poems that they could remember. Down to the sweet little 8 month old baby I keep...her favorite by far is patty cake. And dance little baby. Asher and Maddie love Baa Baa Black Sheep, and Little Miss Muffett the best. Of course we did crafts to correspond with each. And then River's new favorite song is I Will Sing of My Redeemer. It's really sweet to hear her sing the words as loud as she can. It was on an Easter CD that I made this year, and I love how it's come to be a favorite. However, I try to get away from my old standby's, my favorite by far is still this old hymn.

Come, thou Fount of every blessing,

Tune my heart to sing thy grace;

Streams of mercy, never ceasing,

Call for songs of loudest praise.

Teach me some melodious sonnet,

Sung by flaming tongues above.

Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,

Mount of thy redeeming love.

Here I raise mine Ebenezer;

Hither by thy help I'm come;

And I hope, by thy good pleasure,

Safely to arrive at home.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,

Wandering from the fold of God;

He, to rescue me from danger,

Interposed his precious blood.

O to grace how great a debtor

Daily I'm constrained to be!

Let thy goodness, like a fetter,

Bind my wandering heart to thee.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,

Prone to leave the God I love;

Here's my heart, O take and seal it,

Seal it for thy courts above.

Go see what other poems have been in cherished at Kari's. And even though we may only put a poem in our pocket once a year, remember to keep them close always.

A Lesson from the Birds

With it being National Poetry Month, I once again, have gotten excited about poetry. My friend who always inspires me to read more, is doing a fun thing over at her blog at the end of this month, which I definitely plan to participate in. However, throughout this month, I hope to bring some cheer with poems or songs that have stuck out to me.

Last night we went to our library to hear Mother Goose (who was completely awesome) read several of her rhymes, and do some crafts, and have a little party. I love that my kids as young as they are, are learning to read and understand poetry. I've pulled out my Mother Goose and A Child's Garden of Verses, and I'm sure, I'll be learning quite a lot this month myself. This lesson is from the birds.

"Nest Eggs" by Robert Louis Stevenson

Birds all the sunny day

Flutter and quarrel

Here in the arbour-like

Tent of the laurel.

Here in the fork

The brown nest is seated;

Four little blue eggs

The mother keeps heated.

While we stand watching her,

Staring like gabies,

Safe in each egg are the

Bird's little babies.

Soon the frail eggs they shall

Chip, and upspringing,

Make all the April woods

Merry with singing.

Younger than we are,

O children, and frailer,

Soon in blue air they'll be,

Singer and sailor.

We, so much older,

Taller and stronger,

We shall look down on the

Birdies no longer.

They shall go flying

With musical speeches

High overhead in the

Tops of the beeches.

In spite of our wisdom

And sensible talking,

We on our feet must go

Plodding and walking.

He is Risen Indeed

It was a beautiful day, in so many ways. Easter has always been my favorite holiday. When asked as a child which holiday was my favorite, I always said, "EASTER!" while other kids looked at me like I was crazy for not saying Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas, but there's always been something more for me at Easter.

I think part of it started when my mom always held to celebrating it in a simple, yet pure of heart way...she would find a Sunrise service, anywhere she could, and we would wake up as early as possible, quickly get dressed with one eye open, and then quietly and reverently celebrate our risen Lord. Then, usually we would come home, and search furiously for our Easter baskets, which were hidden in trickier spots each year. Then with our goodies in our bellies, and our hearts feeling full, we would enjoy a peaceful day together.

There weren't many days like that throughout my early years, where I knew what to expect. But I always knew what to expect with Easter. I could expect celebration and love. Rejoicing and sometimes even a few tears.

Today was a day like that. We didn't make it to a sunrise service, but we did sit on our bed as the sun rose, and read the Easter story. Then, we came in for a simple breakfast of fruit and banana bread before hurrying to find baskets filled with fun goodies and surprises. We played for a few minutes with our new things before getting in our spring time attire for the special day ahead of us. As we worshipped our risen Lord together, I remembered how beautiful a season we are in, where the old can become new, the lost can be found, and the blind, can now see. How amazing this grace is that the Father has lavished on us.

A Beautiful Mess

I could sum up my son in this little picture. I could actually write an entire essay on how these four items could describe his personality. I won't...but I could.

I was cleaning up the other day, and when I came to this "mess" to pick up, I couldn't help stop. It was as if he decided to place all of his favorite things together in just the right position. I'm sure he only left it for a moment to go look for "The King" to add to the mix! In 6 months, these things will be old news, and I'll be cleaning up a Bat Mobile or something else that has caught his undying love.

You never know who your children will be, or what their favorite things will be. However, I do know that I could not have asked for a more precious son to love. And, no, I'm not biased at all.

Shifting Sand

You would think, just by looking at a simple sand castle, that it would be an easy accomplishment. Something fun to do to pass the time spent on the shore. For some that might be true. For others, not so much.

My older sister had kids before me, and her first was a premie. He just barely made it, and had to fight with everything he had as a little two pounder to make it. He learned early that if you're going to make it in this life, you have to be a fighter, and that doesn't come easy.

Almost four years ago, when we lost my sister's husband, my sweet nephew of only 8 at the time, lost not only his daddy...he lost his best friend, his biggest fan, his closest confidant, his hero, his life. Much of their days together were spent on the beach. Exploring the rugged outer banks, learning to surf, playing in the water, building sand castles with extreme attention to detail.

We love to take them back down to the beach whenever we can, and this past weekend happened to be one of those times. It's funny, when we're getting ready to go down to the beach, all we hear from this particular nephew is...

"I don't want to go. How long are we going to be down there? I'll get all sandy, and it's gonna be cold."

fight fight fight....argue argue argue.

After he gets all that out of his system, he quietly shuffles his big almost man sized feet down the steps and over to the shore.

I think just getting to the sand is the hardest part.

Then for the next hour, or two, or three, he sits immersed in the sand, using whatever "tools" he can find to craft a most beautiful creation. One with great detail and skill...one that his father would be proud of. And once again, I marvel at how this boy of only 12 years, is choosing to fight to live life. How he has to choose to be a part of the rest of our lives, even just to build a sand castle that won't be there tomorrow.

The Birthday Girl

Yesterday my little girl became a girl. I know it sounds ridiculous, but there's a BIG difference between a little girl and a girl. Five just seems so much younger than six!! Or is it just me!? Just like there's a big difference from a newborn to an older baby...or a big baby to a toddler...or a toddler to a little girl (or boy). And I feel like she'll be a preteen tomorrow. I can't shop for her at all in the little kids section...I used to be able to squeeze her into a 4T/5T, but not anymore.

We had a great weekend celebrating. Had a frilly, girly sleepover with just a few friends, and then woke up and went roller skating...or roller shuffling is more like what it was. Then we enjoyed being with family the next part of the weekend, thoroughly enjoying ourselves with a tea party at the O'Henry! But I think my favorite part of the weekend was playing paper dolls with her. It's reassuring that she still wants me to play with her...at least for today! Truly a gift!

Nothing Much to Do

Daddy's at work. Saturday afternoon...sitting on the couch with the laptop and kids only means one thing...

A Rare Gift, Indeed

Sometimes I look at her and wonder how she got so cute. She's full of so many ideas and desires...all bursting at once. She can get attached to the silliest of objects in seconds, and have it be her "baby" or "best friend", and then have to undergo serious detachment sessions. Last weekend, it was an icicle she found on our walk. Tonight it was the hot water bottle. I mean, SERIOUSLY? As rational as I am, I find it VERY hard to be too sympathetic. And I'm an extremely sensitive person.

I swear she belongs on a stage. But she'd be too scared to go out there and have everyone watch her. She truly is one of a kind. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Teinc You

Some days it's very tiring to have a girl. The emotions, the drama, the rifts. Then, there's the constant busyness of them making their life be what they want it to be all the time, and if it's not exactly what they want, they are either heart broken or furious. And, no, I'm not talking about myself.

But then there are other days. Days where the thoughtfulness of a 5 year old can amaze and astound you.

Saturday, was a busy morning. We had a party at our house for my daughter's dance class, with about 10 little girls running around, and lots of squealing and laughing. I went against my better judgement and chose to get glitter for our craft, because I knew how much all the girls would love it. And boy, they did. The clean up time however, was not as much fun.

When I finished cleaning up everything, I went in and read for a while with my little girl, who is really starting to get into chapter books. I was so tired after we finished reading, that I declined the offer to play, and confessed that I simply had to rest my eyes for just a minute.

When I came to, probably an hour later, she was right beside me rubbing my head. Her little voice had excitement in it, but whispered a little,

"Surprise. I thought you might be thirsty." She had gotten the juice out and poured me a glass of orange juice, but watered it down just a tad, the way I like, then topped it with an ice cube.

There was a little present, wrapped in Christmas paper, flowers taken from my birthday arrangement and put into a small vase, a banana (she said in case I was hungry), and a little scrapbook of her Daddy and I, from years back.

Let me just say, this has never happened before, and I doubt that it will happen very many times in my life. At least not while she's still under my roof.

Even though all of that was special, this was the best part...

I couldn't have asked for a sweeter daughter.

While Visions of Sugar Plums Danced

When I was little, I wanted to be a ballerina. I began taking lessons when I was 3, and didn't stop until I graduated. Then I started again. Now, it's not like I'm that girl who can do all those amazing things and everyone stops and gasps and stares. I just love it. It's one of those parts of me that will never go away, no matter how old I am, or how long it's been since my last class or performance.

One thing that was really fun to be a part of when I was growing up was the Nutcracker that our company always put on every other year. I had little parts here and there, over the years...nothing show stopping, but still I was part of the show. I knew the scenes and all the various parts. I could hum all the music and nothing pulled me away from sneaking a backstage peak at the pas du deux of the Sugar Plum Fairy and her prince.

This is the part where I tell you how mad I am that I didn't have a camera. And how I would have the perfect shot if I had. Her eyes were about to pop they were so big. And her little lips were completely still.

Last night, I was able to take my little girl, along with several of the girls who dance in our neighborhood dance program, to see the Nutcracker Ballet for the first time. Y'all...she was on the edge of her seat the entire time. Well, on the edge of my lap to be exact. She would lean her head to the side ever so slightly, as to not take her big brown eyes off the stage for a second, and hold her program up in front of her face to whisper back questions to me. These were some of the things I heard over the two hour span,

"Is he going to change with magic, now?" "What are the mice doing?" "Who WINS this fight?" "Does the Nutcracker get hurt?" "Are they going to a new place now?" "Mommy, I can do that!" "When do they start talking?" "That's really hard to hold their mouths closed that long!" "That's really hard on those 'tilts'." "I bet those costumes are scratchy!" "I'll never get bored of this!" And on and on.

It was such a precious time. Truly magical for her little heart, and therefore, for mine as well. We were each so blessed to be able to see this production. Some to have a dream set before them. Others just to experience a beautiful show. But for me, to share something so dear to my heart with someone I love so much...my little mini-me. She was awed and inspired...just as I was, those many years ago.

Thank you, kind sir, for treating us all to such a special gift. It is one that will be remembered for a very long time.

Trim Up the Tree

We got our Christmas tree last Saturday. This year my hubs really wanted to get out the trains. So after designing a double decker oval track, our tree went up in the middle of it. We decorated it last night, and tonight before bed, my daughter said,

"Let's sing Christmas carols around the Christmas tree. But we have to stand right around it, and we have to hold hands."

I don't know where she gets it from.

Every Good Boy Does Fine???

I played piano when I was little. For 1o + years. A few months ago, we were asked by some friends to house their piano until they had a little more room for it. My husband (who never had a lesson in his life but plays like he's one of those people who plays in a restaurant to create the perfect background music) has been wanting one for so long, so of course the answer immediately was yes! I took lessons faithfully from the time I was 5 until I was about 16. I went to competitions, and camps...you know the whole nine yards. So guess what I can play? One part of the last song that I was learning when I stopped playing. And because I was gifted at learning by ear, I always learned by ear. I hardly used sight reading at all, and I was terrible at it. So, I can't even pick up a piece of music and play.

Today, I went to sit down and read for a bit, and I really love reading hymns. As I was flipping through, I had a grand idea. I thought, you know, I should go sit down and play one of these! Well, then, I found "Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee" and thought, "Yea! I'll work on some Christmas carols, so that by the time Christmas is here, we can all sit around the piano, and sing like in Little Women!" Seriously, that's what I thought.

So I sit down and start to figure out the cords...and it's like I was reading Latin. I had to literally sit there and say, "Ummm....F...A..... C.... E. So that's.....ummmm......D!!" It took me 45 min. just to figure out the right hand. And that wasn't even going at the right tempo. My daughter kept trying to sing along, and she would have to stop because I couldn't keep up!! It was hilarious. But, hopefully, by Christmas we'll have at least one carol learned.

Just for the record, when your mother says, "You shouldn't stop taking. You'll be sorry when you're older," you should listen. Hello, Mother? It's "older" and I'm sorry!!!

The Threes

You know the old saying, "Things come in threes?" Well, I don't know about that, but this one is totally three.

Today, he played with cars, sticks, and his new football. He made a basketball crush a pretty Polly, and then laughed about it. He threw a fit when I told him that he couldn't have a large tootsie roll right before he ate his birthday cake. And he chased his sister around with his doggies saying, "Ruff Ruff" even when she repeatedly told him not to.

But he still snuggled with me when he woke up from his nap. And he smelled his same sweet smell that he always smells like when he first wakes up from a deep sleep. I can't put my finger on what it is. It's just a sleepy smell. All warm and snuggly. Melt-right-into-me-snuggly.

I love him so much. And he's such a treasure. I'm so thankful that I get to have him for my little boy.

Halloween Recap

We had so much fun this year...as every year, but as my kids get older, we get to "do" more with them. First we started by having our annual "Stephens Fest" with my sister and her boys. We (well, she) made cupcakes and the kids decorated them with fun halloween sprinkles. We ate pumpkin seeds, carved pumpkins, and then got ready for trick or treating.

Uncle Randy delivered JC's pumpkin dream with this awesome Batman emblem

As much as I wanted our family to all dress alike in cowboy attire, the kids just wouldn't bite on that idea. River was all about being a kitten, and she wanted me to be the Mama Cat.

Asher went back and forth between a cowboy, a knight, and spiderman, and then the day of, decided on a fireman. I mean, who doesn't want to be a hero?

The kids were cute all dressed up together.

Batman, The Fireman, and Little Kitten

with the big "brother cousins"

After trick or treating, we went to a free carnival with pony rides, jumpy things, and lots of fun times. We met with up with our friends, but after a quick hello really didn't see anyone! All the kids were off to do their own thing! This is what mine had in mind...

River has been more into horses lately, so this was a real treat! She even waited in line on her own accord (I told her I would save her place while she went to ride rides, but she declined the offer) for about 30 min!

To end out the night, we grabbed a bite to eat at Steak and Shake, and really stayed up "late"! It was really fun to complete the evening with a milkshake and fries! Here's Asher the Fireman rescuing Mama Kitty from a tree. Haha.

It was a fun night for our little family. And we were all thankful for the extra hour, the morning after!

Tuesday Date Night

Have I mentioned here, how I love to celebrate life? Just kidding. So, lately, my Tuesday evenings are a really fun thing around here. Wanna know why??? My hubs and I have started a new tradition. (I'm making myself laugh out loud right now, just typing that.) "Tradition....TRADITION!" (Sing along with me! It needs to be my theme song.)

We do lots of laundry, but usually don't get a chance to fold it right away. We let it pile up into a huge heap (all clean thank goodness) on the sofa in the living room. Then, after the kids are in bed, we make coffee and watch Office reruns (and sometimes other shows like the Biggest Loser) and fold all our laundry.

Yesterday, I saw all of it in the pile, and I said, I may need to make tonight my laundry night. Hubby said, "Is it Tuesday?" Yeah, it's a tradition.

It's great to be able to actually look forward to doing laundry. And the folding and putting away is the most dreaded part, anyway. But not anymore! Throw the word "date", "coffee", or "Office rerun" in there, and WHAM! It's a new favorite.

My Little Joy

When I was pregnant with Asher, we were excited to choose his name for it's meaning. His name means "happy; joy; blessed". That, he is.

Splashing Around

The days have actually felt longer recently. I know they're actually getting shorter, but at our house they don't feel as filled as they used to. I think part of it is just that I miss her being home, or the hours until I see her don't feel like they pass quickly enough.

On the other hand, I have really loved being able to spend such good time with my little man. Oh my gosh, I don't think I've ever seen such a cute boy. And oh, how he makes me laugh!! He is so funny. I truly cherish his sweet tender spirit and ambition towards life.

Today was his first day of preschool. I tell you what, though...after having to dive into Kindergarten, taking him to preschool felt like a puddle to splash around in, rather than an ocean to cross!

He walked in, and all I saw was the back of his head. I stood there for a few seconds waiting for him to turn around, and when he didn't, I quietly slipped into the hall, but felt a tad bit guilty that I hadn't said good-bye. I was thinking what if he thinks I just left him...without even saying good-bye! Clearly you can see that I'm the one in need of help!

Later as I talked to my hubby I told him how Ash had gone in, without one last hug, or one more look, or even a "I love you! I'll be back soon!" He very calmly said, "That's because he already knows it."

all ready for preschool

The Big Day!

Well, we did it! And when I say "we", I mean we!!! I think it may have been harder for me than her. I held back the tears until after she was in her class, and then of course fell apart walking away from her room. I wiped them away by the time I got to the "Boo Hoo Breakfast", kind of ironic, but then shared a few more with a friend or two.

saying goodbye to brother (and explaining how he won't see her "all day long".)

all ready to go!

one more look back

ahhh...the comforting arms of her teacher!

She loved every minute of her day, and came home beaming with accomplishment and success. And it was just the first day. And I've learned that the "good stuff" that I'll hear about the day isn't when I first pick her up. It's when we pack her lunch...I learned that her "friend has a boyfriend that she's going out of town to see. He's five...and he kills animals."

OK, the boyfriend thing was hard enough, but WHAT??? He KILLS ANIMALS??? Who is this kid?? Of course I only said, "Oh. Why does he kill animals?" To which she said, "I don't know. Maybe to eat them or something." I laughed. Then we talked about how we just want to be "friends" with boys, but not have them as our "boyfriend".

So, overall, even with a few tears here and there, it was a precious day. A day full of gifts!

Ready...Set....Go?

The supplies have been purchased. The teacher has been met. We've gone to the open house. We've even pretended going to school with a pretend lunch all packed up. We've been counting down the days and now there's only one left. And there's only one thing left to do...

Go.

While I still haven't cried, I'm sure I will. And even though it still feels surreal and uncertain, Tuesday is only a day away. And she will wear her brand new backpack, and she will walk in her class. And she will begin a brand new adventure...on her own.

I think that's the craziest part for me. It's not that she's unready or too young. She's totally ready! It's that I don't get to be there. I don't have to be there. She will do it on her own, and I will get to watch and be amazed. It just seems like it's gotten to this point really fast.

As we drove home tonight, we passed by our local university. We saw families moving in their Freshmen college kids and grilling out in the parking lot of student housing. I told River and Asher that when they went to college we wouldn't just drop them off with their stuff and tell them "good luck". I told them that we would stay the whole weekend, and find out about the town they were in. Take them and their roommates out to dinner, and go shopping for their dorm rooms together. We wouldn't be an absent part in such a vital transition to that life on their own.

Something about having that conversation made me feel like we are literally going to blink and be there. Not dropping off at kindergarten, but at college. We'll be taking her and her roommate out for dinner and shopping for futons, not just her first Hello Kitty backpack.

And this is when I start to cry. And this is when it hits me.