Thursday, June 21, 2007

Top 10 of NYC Trip

10. Hailing a cab.

9. Times Square at night!

8. Carriage ride through central park on a beautiful day.

7. Walking up on a Toby Keith performance for the Early Show!

6. Playing I Spy from the top of the Empire State Building with my family.

5. Having creme brulee, a chocolate croissant, and fabulous coffee in a cafe at bloomingdales - yes, all at the same sitting.

4. Getting lost in central park with my family, and loving every minute of it.

3. Clapping so hard my hands hurt and shouting, "Bravo!" at the top of my lungs through tear filled eyes after a truly amazing performance of Romeo and Juliet by American Ballet Theatre.

2. Seeing my sister given a standing o after her orchestra played in Carnegie Hall - she's only 15 mind you.

1. Unforgettable moments with my family, on the streets, in museums, at restaurants, or at tourist attractions in a remarkable city that I've wanted to see for years now!

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Free At Last

My seven month old baby has never been able to, or willing to take a bottle. Needless to say, there has been much restraint on me as his mother. If I go out, I have to return before the next feeding. I haven't been able to be gone more than a few hours from him ever since his birth. We tried many times, and nothing ever worked. Until he started on cereal 3 months ago, there was no other option of sustenance, other than what Mommy could give. I don't think I fully knew the amount of pressure that I had on myself until the other day.

I have had a New York City trip planned for a few months now, and thankfully was going to be able to take my sweet baby, and that allowed me the possibility of even being able to go. However, as the trip approached, and each day was coming closer, I realized my dread of being in NYC for the first time ever with a 7 month old baby. Everything I was going to take, on the plane, paying for a babysitter for the times that we would be out at night, taking him with us everywhere during the day, having him miserable in a car seat or stroller for hours on end... yea, doesn't that sound fun?? Thus, the final attempt at the bottlefeeding. I convinced myself that if in a week, I could possibly train my son to take a bottle, I would be able to have an entirely baby-free trip, to NYC.

The first night of trying, we got ourselves mentally ready. I decided that I wouldn't feed him, and get him really hungry, and then let Daddy give a bottle of formula before bed. At first, upon seeing the bottle, Asher got excited, knowing somehow, this was for him. However, when he was sat back to take in his last meal of the day, he would have no part in it. After much resistance and crying, he wore himself out, and just fell asleep without having anything to eat.

The next day, I went and borrowed a fantastic pump, determined to not give up. Maybe he wouldn't take formula well, but maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't mind it if it was the real thing. So once again, we mentally prepared ourselves for the determination it takes sometimes to "break" a baby from a particular pattern. I had pumped in the afternoon, and yes, even sent up a prayer of desperation to the Lord, before putting the bottle in the fridge.

The time had come, and I was ready to leave around the time that he would be given the bottle. But of course, we realized as we were sitting down to our hot dinner, that Asher needed to go down, and before that would happen, he would have his feeding. So, Daddy warmed the bottle, and took the tired and hungry babe with him to the other part of the house.

River and I sat quietly and ate, praying in my head the whole time, that Asher would take the bottle. I listened, and waited, anticipating the outright opposition I would hear from the babe. But, nothing came. I continued to wait and listen for some sign of how things might be going, still nothing. Then, as I heard the footsteps down the hallway, I knew my answer was coming. As Daddy appeared in the doorway with baby asleep in his arms, he held up the half full (not half empty) bottle, tears came to my eyes. All I could quietly say was, "Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!" which even now seems so silly, but I truly felt freedom that I have not felt for quite some time. I am thankful to be free at last.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

A Chasing After the Wind

there are times that i just feel kind of weepy, as most of us girls do. and not even connected to hormones...just sad days, or grumpy days, or feeling just kind of "blah" (as many of us say).

earlier this week, i woke up, and before i knew it, i was feeling irritated, unappreciated, and just down. it was about silly stuff on the surface; the eggs were cooked the wrong way... twice... according to my 3 year old. then, being frustrated about that and many things, i felt like the mom that was playing the "martyr" to try to get the appreciation that i was wanting, but hating that i was putting the guilt trip on my daughter for not appreciating me. i remember feeling that guilt, and pressure to affirm, and feeling it from my mom made me even less likely to give it. so i decided to get over it, and move on, but i just was overwhelmed by all that i had to do, and couldn't do at the same time. feeling like no matter what i would do, it wouldn't be good enough. that's an awful feeling, let me tell you, especially for someone who likes to be able to do it all, and do it well.

after a quick laughter through tears moment with my sister, some sushi, and bantering about how crappy the day was, i was much better, and the day went on without too much more drama. i got what i could done, and left the rest, and that was all i could do.

i know that somewhere in this life, i'll have a clean house, and folded laundry, and dishes put away, but if it's at the cost of the smiles of my little ones and the sweet looks of my ever reassuring husband, than it's worthless to me. that's my take on ecclesiastes 2:10-11.

"my heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. when i surveyed all that my hands had done and what i had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun."

i think i'd rather not chase, and just enjoy the breeze around me.