Thursday, February 28, 2008

Baby, I'm Afraid You're A Lot Like Me

Four years ago, this evening, I sat with a tiny baby girl in my arms. I hadn't known it would be her, and I wasn't sure how to be a mommy. All I had known was that a baby was coming, and it would be mine to love.

After 24 hours of labor, I had a beautiful girl placed in my arms, and I had never seen such beauty. She looked up at me with such wide eyes and a silky dark hair, and I remember my first thought was that she resembled one of my baby pictures. There was a familiarity in her eyes, that I saw. After months of wondering what this unknown baby would look like, here she was in front of me, and all I could think, was that she reminded me of me.

Since that moment of first laying eyes on my daughter, I have grown to love her in so many ways. I love how she embraces life with passion and excitement. I love how she is zany and silly. I love the compassion she has for others, and the willingness to stick to something, even when it's so hard it makes her cry.

Even though I don't hold her on my chest the way I did that evening four years ago, I still sometimes lie close beside her, and look over her face, and wonder. I wonder how I will bless her, and how I will fail her. How I will show her love, how I will not. How will I be her mother, and but also her friend? How will I teach her to be a woman after the Lord's heart, and yet have the confidence to walk through her deepest doubts asking Him to show her the way? How can I teach her to be a woman of truth and courage, with strength and passion? How will I show her how to embrace joy and sorrow, and to love relentlessly? I do not know the answers to these questions. I only know that no matter what I do, or don't do, the Lord has chosen her to be my little girl, and me to be her mommy. And because of that I know that He will show me how.

I still see so much of myself in River. Sometimes because of that it makes it hard for me to be as gracious and patient with her. But I desperately want to. So much of the time, when I pray for her, I pray for myself. And vice versa. Because the same strengths I have, she has. And the same weaknesses I have, she has. It brings me joy, and it scares me to death. But I know that the Lord is big enough to love her through it all, just as He has me. I love the words of this Sara Groves song, because it's exactly how I feel when I think about River.

Baby, I'm afraid you're a lot like me.
You can't help feeling everything.
I can see you trying to hold it in.
I see your eyes, and your trembling chin.

And for you, and myself, I will pray.
That our weakness becomes our strength.

Baby there some holes you just can't fill.
You try and you try, but you never will.
Baby, I believe a God who can.
He loves the boy, and He'll love the man.

And for you and myself, I will pray.
That our weakness becomes our strength.

She brings me so much joy. I love her more than I ever knew I could. Happy Birthday, baby girl.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Happy Snow Day!

So instead of thinking, Happy Valentine's Day, the other morning, we were surprised with a snow day! I know it's been a couple of days already, but I'm just now getting around to documenting. It's a pretty big deal, seeing as it will probably be a year before we see any more of it. This was Asher's first exploration of snow, so it was very fun to introduce him to our "friend" (for all your Gilmore Girls fans).

meet Harry....

Friday, February 15, 2008

The Difference Is...

My grandmother sometimes references when she was a young mother. I love hearing her stories about what it was like, then, verses now. And many times I wish for a time like then, for a simpler time. But many times, I'm thankful.

The other night, I decided to make my mom's homemade "Old Fashion Chicken Pot Pie". It used to be my one of my favorites, especially on a cold day. But, I've never actually made it. Just the recipe is like a whole page long, so yes, it feels a bit intimidating.

Well, it was about 4:30, and the chicken was frozen - yes, a whole chicken. We don't have a microwave (out of choice) and so I don't usually defrost meat in a hurry. But, after a quick chat with my sister, I decided, it would take a little while, but it would be worth it. Need I remind you that it was 4:30.

At first, I was like, this doesn't take that much longer than the way I do it. I don't know why I always do the shortcut version. That was the first hour.

My husband got home at 6:15, and I told him we still had a little while before dinner. I didn't know we had another hour and a half.

So, my poor children were starving, but dag on it, we had our "Old Fashion Chicken Pot Pie" and I realized why my grandmother didn't have time to get on the floor and play with her children. And I also realized why my mom didn't make this recipe very often.

We ate at 8pm. Yes it was delicious, but after that, I think I'll stick to my quick and easy version.

But that's part of the problem. It makes me sad that we don't ever choose the longer, harder, more strenuous version of whatever it is, anymore. We have shortcuts for everything, and we use them - proudly. I'm the queen of wanting something done quick. I know that my grandmother sometimes gets a teary look in her eye when she talks about not spending time that she wished she had with her little ones, but after just trying something the old-fashioned way one evening, I can understand why. They wouldn't have been able to do anything!

I wish there was a way to meet in the middle. To value the quality, but to not always have to be in such an efficient mindset. To not cram so much into life that we miss what's really there. I know, sometimes even with all the shortcuts I use, life still feels overwhelming. I don't have to do my laundry by hand, I have a washer and dryer, but when I see the never-ending piles, I want to hide it all under my bed, and just go get new clothes. I hate laundry, and it never goes away.

Yesterday we had a surprise when we woke up. A gorgeous snow covered world to wake us up on Valentine's Day. And instead of looking at dread at this...

...I found myself smiling at this...

What's the difference? The difference is that I had loved every minute of playing out in the snow, and seeing all the clothes and shoes piled up simply reminded me of time well spent with my family. But yes, I am quite thankful for my washer and dryer.

Friday, February 08, 2008

It's the Little Things...

i have a new love affair.  it's with these adorable little magnets.  i can't seem to make enough.  they've made me very happy.   i like things to look pretty.   not perfect, not necessarily polished, but pretty.   my fridge has felt very pretty with her new accessories.  it's like she's got jewelry now.   shhh...don't tell her that they're not really just for her.     i'll give her these.

or maybe these...

but these would look much better in my sisters kitchen

which, when i made them, i was thinking of my sweet big sister, and so i decided that this set would be called Carrie.  that lent me to the thought that each set of magnets should be named after someone.  wouldn't you like them better if they each had names?  it makes me like them so much more!   but it's also harder to let them go.    ok, do you see how this is an affair.
so, now, let me introduce you to...

she's spunky, fun, and very pretty.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

And the Winner Is....

"Charmed"!   Congratulations!    Thank you each for all your sweet comments and encouragement about my giveaway.  It was so fun!    And check out my Etsy shop and receive 10% off your first purchase.