Free Falling

I'm not really afraid of heights.   But one time, I did a high ropes course.   I thought that it would be fun, and a pretty easy thing to do.    Once I got hooked up and all geared up on the ropes, I began to step out onto the rope.   As I stepped out, my legs wouldn't stop shaking.   I mean, like you could see them shaking and moving the rope under them.   I really wanted it to stop shaking so that I could walk out onto the rope.  Because I knew that I couldn't really walk on the rope while my legs were shaking profusely.   Could I?

As I stood there, rope before me, 50 feet in the air, and people below, waiting their turn, I knew the only choice I had was to walk out onto the rope.   So, very hesitantly, with legs still going crazy, I began to step out.  One foot in front of the other, until I was across the first leg of my journey.

If you've done a ropes course before, you probably know that you are not just up there, without anything.   I was strapped in, and had a vest that went through my legs, and around my chest that was hooked with huge strong ropes to the beam above me.   If I had slipped, and fallen off the rope, I wouldn't have fallen all the way to the ground.   I would have just slipped off the rope, and then hung by the vest and ropes, for a few seconds until I was lowered down.   But for me to fall was not an option.   I was scared to death of falling.   My mind knew that I wouldn't have gotten hurt, but I still was completely afraid of the thought of falling.

My life has kind of felt like a free fall lately.   Knowing that I needed to step out in faith, but also not knowing what the course might really be like, once I got out there.   I wasn't really afraid in the beginning to step out, but now that I'm on the course, I've had pretty shaky legs.   Partly because things haven't gone as smoothly as I thought they might have.  And partly because whenever you are walking by faith it feels very intense, and sometimes pretty scary.  

I continued on the ropes course, little by little, step by step.    I got to the end of the course, and came to the place where you're supposed to jump out and reach for this bar to grab onto, and then free fall, and then just hang there.   And, I'm standing there looking off the ledge, like, "Yeah, right!!   I mean, if it was that hard to walk on the ropes, how in the world am I just gonna jump.  Why did I even do this stupid course in the first place??!!"    And I just remember the Father saying to me, "Don't you know, I won't let you fall?"  "Don't you trust me to catch you?"

And even though I was still completely scared, I knew that I had to jump.   I knew that I had to trust Him.   Why was it so hard, though?   I knew in my mind that I would be fine.  It was convincing my heart to let go and trust.

Even though it was a silly little ropes course, I learned how hard it is for me to trust the Lord to be there for me.    And today, I'm thankful that I jumped and saw that He really will catch me.  He really does have me in the palm of His hand.