My Mind is on the Brink

I'm so tired.   This has been a long week.   And an especially long weekend.    Usually I don't want to gripe on the blog, you know, and sound like a downer.   But tonight as we were hosting a small gathering of people at our house, we ended up talking with a couple who is about to have their first baby.    They were saying how they are really wanting to soak up these last few Saturdays of sleeping in, and getting full nights rest.   And when I think about it, that's really the only thing that I truly miss about the days before parenthood.    I mean, sure it's fun to go out on a whim, and even late at night if you want, and not have to plan for a sitter.   But, realistically, that didn't happen all that much anyway.   And, we do fun things now as a family that I value a ton.   But the sleep....I miss the sleep.     

If I'm completely honest, I can't blame my lack of sleep from the last few nights solely on my children.   There are plenty of other things that have kept me up late (projects, cleaning, etc.)   So part of it is my own fault for just doing too much.     And part of it is feeling totally emotionally overwhelmed right now, too.     Wanting to trust the Lord in the midst of chaos, but really struggling to know how to do that.     I know that I can choose to rest in Him, despite the unknown, and despite feeling like things are falling apart around me.   But to even choose rest feels draining.    Isn't that an oxymoron.   I feel like an oxymoron.     Especially the moron part.   Ok, now I'm just getting to my punchy stage, so I'll spare you any more stupid puns.

Thanks, blog world, for being a safe place to vent, even when I'm grumpy and soooo tired.