Running to Stand Still

As I drove frantically to one of my many commitments this evening, I remember searching for my phone in my bag, as if to make sure of something. I knew that I needed to call someone, for something. I was sure that I needed to do something else.

Many times, that's how my life feels. Never quite catching up. Always running - after a child, to an appointment, whatever it is, but I'm running to make it. And usually, I'm not there right on time. Rest is a word, that many days is only an idea.

Today, though, earlier in the day, there was a point that I sat down at the table to color with my children. And there was a song on, that just "happened" to be talking about being fully known with a love that is so much bigger than anything I could create. And as I looked at both of my beautiful gifts, I thought how I had been given more than I ever knew I would. More love than I ever thought I could possess. And above all that, having the gift to live life with a God who knows me and created me with infinite purpose. To know and to love Him. And to give that love to those in my life.

I looked at my little ones, welling up with tears, and just smiled. And then I looked at my daughter and said, "Can I hold you for a minute?" And to my surprise she came and sat on my lap for what felt like a long time for her, only a couple seconds for me. But it was one of those moments that I felt like I really lived life to the fullest. I held her close and felt like I couldn't hug her enough in that moment. So thankful for what I've been given.

Those moments are the kind that I like to last for a long time. And those moments let me see how silly all my rushing about is. But if I don't get to bed, I won't be able to keep up tomorrow. But I also know that the rest that I long for does not come from sleep.