Saturday, July 11, 2009

Watching and Waiting

My annual summer cold has arrived and because of that I've found myself sitting a lot more over the last couple days.    Last night, after I put the kids to bed, I collapsed on the couch, too tired to clean up the kitchen or fold the laundry...both things I knew I needed to do.    But instead, I decided to veg out to a movie I found on TV.    It was one I had seen before, but not for a while.    I was happy to see it again, especially because it was an easy to see romantic comedy.    As it finished, I realized another movie was coming on.   Then I realized, it was the same movie!  So what did I do?   Did I get up and turn it off, knowing that I still had chores to do?   Of course not!   I stayed right there, and saw the first half that I had missed the first time around.    Eventually, I fell asleep on the couch, right after I had said to my hubby that I wasn't tired enough to go to bed.   Typical!

Then, this afternoon, I decided to finally listen to an audio testimony that I had been wanting to hear for a while.   Some of you may have already heard it.     It's from a woman who was dying of terminal cancer, but who knew that death is not dying.   This dear Mommy, passed away this past week, which made it seem more appropriate to hear what she had to say, while she was here.    This testimony, opposite from my romantic comedy, was not something easy to hear.   It was not a fake-feel-good movie that makes you forget about the sorrows of life or the tragedy that strikes everywhere.    It was better.   It was real and it was true.

I've never been very good at handling sadness and sorrow.    From a young age, I learned to ignore those emotions, and stuff a lot of positive thinking on top, as to not let out what really made me sad.    It just felt too hard to deal with the pain.     I taught myself to be strong, and to only cry in movies.     So, you can better believe I cried in movies!    Hard!    It was my outlet, and sometimes it still is.

But as I listened to Rachel's testimony, I did cry, but not to cover up my own pain.   And not tears that would silence hers either.     But tears from the hard truth that we live in a sinful world, full of sickness and death.   And I cried tears of joy, to know that one day, there will be no more sickness.   And there will be no more pain.    And we will see our Father face to face.    
But tears shed also, because of the awesome truth that we have when we know how real Jesus is.   That He is not just someone to sing about on Sundays.   That He is not just someone to read about sometimes.   That He truly is our Only Hope, and the only Way.    He is.   
"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror, then we shall see face to face.   Now I know in part; then I shall know in full; even as I am fully known." 1 Cor. 13:12


My Überjoy.... said...

Wasn't Rachel's faith captivating and so honest....the part about serving with joy hit me hard. I've found myself praying for her husband and children.

deb said...

thank yo so much for sharing the link to the story of Rachel.
Such elegance in suffering, humbled me to the core of my selfish self.