To Know Comfort

When I was a little girl, whenever I was sick, we had special things that we got to do, to make being sick not seem so bad. My mom would give me a bell to use, in case I needed to call her for something, but didn't have the "strength" to walk down and find her. (Remember this was before there were cell phones.) And she would make me crushed ice in Karo syrup, so I could have something on my stomach to take in little by little. It was delicious. And being sick - a.k.a. resting in my bed, and having books read to me, and watching movies - wasn't so bad.

I remember "making" myself sick a few times so I wouldn't have to go to school. Like doing the throw up sounds in the bathroom, or fake coughing a ton, or even using a hair dryer to make the thermometer rise really high. I think it's really funny now, looking back, thinking that I was so sneaky. Did anyone else do this, too? Or did I just have serious psychological issues from early on?

Well, anyway, today my daughter told me her throat "really" hurt. But if her panties are crumpled up too much, they "really" hurt. Or if she barely bumps her arm on something, it "REALLY" hurts. So, I didn't really take it too seriously. And we went on to preschool. In the middle of my coffee date with a fun new friend, I got a call from her teacher. "River's sick. She has a fever of 101.6."

So, feeling extremely guilty, I rushed over and picked her up. And held her tight for a while. I heard that someone else in her school had had strep, so I figured with her sore throat and high fever, I better go get her checked. The test came back negative, but we still waiting for the second one. It just seems like she's been sick a lot this year. Cold after cold. Virus after virus. And the next season comes, and you hope that it's done. At least for a month. But it's only been about 2 weeks, and here we go again.

At the doctor's office her fever was up to 103, and she was very pitiful. Just laying on me, while I held her and read books while we waited. She would barely answer questions, and was totally lethargic. I asked her if a nice cold milkshake from Chick-Fil-A would help her feel better, and of course it did.

I felt sad for her, and enjoyed being able to comfort her. I can't imagine just not comforting her. Not holding her. Not helping her. It just reminded me of how my mom used to take care of me on those rough days. I thought how it really doesn't matter what we do to help them. We just love to help them. And we want to comfort them, and be with them in the midst of the sickness. (Even though I was anti-bacing my hands like crazy all the while).

But it makes me think of our Heavenly Father, too. I know that He loves us with that deep, deep love of a father. That in the midst of strife and the suffering of this world, He truly longs to comfort us. To help us. To be with us throughout the hard days. You know, it's not like he likes us having hard times. No more than I like seeing my precious girl sick. I think that we sometimes get tricked into thinking that He's the one who is doing all this stuff to us. But that's just not who He is. It's not His Father's heart to hurt us. He says, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

To think that we would go through this life with no hardship or struggle is kind of like hoping that our children would never get sick. And we know how ridiculous that sounds. Of course they're gonna get sick. But when struggles come to us, sometimes we think, "How could He let this happen?" or "Why would God do this to me?" I remember someone saying to me onetime, when I was pondering this same thing, "Why do you think God has done this to you?" And I remember thinking, "Huh. I don't know." But we so easily blame Him and keep our distance when the trials come. Like He'll only hurt us more if we let Him comfort us. It's so sad that we believe the lie that He doesn't want to care for us. That He doesn't care about us.

Nothing could be farther from the truth.

"My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life." Ps. 119:50

"May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant." Ps. 119:76

"Comfort, comfort my people, says your God." Isaiah 40:1

"For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones." Isaiah 49:13

"I, even I, am He who comforts you." Isaiah 51:12

"...to comfort all who mourn..." Isaiah 61:2

"As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you." Isaiah 66:13

"O, my Comforter in sorrow, my heart is faint within me." Jeremiah 8:18

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." 2 Corinthians 1:3

I'm thankful that He truly is the God of all comfort, and longs to come to us in the midst of strife and struggle. I long to know that so deeply that I would let Him come. Let Him be the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts me in all my troubles.

The Goods from the Weekend

So you know how when you love something in one area, you like to try it in another place.  Like, if you love Bar-B-Que, you like to try it anywhere, and all over.    You become a BBQ connoisseur, and you probably try it wherever you go.    

That's how I was this weekend at the beach.   We went down with my husbands family, and had a great time.   On Saturday morning, Randy and I were going to go on a coffee date, and maybe stop at a sale or two if we saw any.    Of course I wanted to.  =)     Whenever we're down there on the weekends, I always see yard sale signs, and usually I don't go.    And it's not like you want to spend time away from the beach to go yard saleing, but it was still fun to experience Brunswick County yard sales at their finest.

I was glad that I kept to principal No. 5 and checked to see what was up on the crowded table of clothes.   I wouldn't have found cute fall clothes for my sweet little boy, all for $2!   Or this awesome new Beatles T-shirt for myself.

Randy was excited about this old edition (but unopened, mind you) of Risk.

The other sale that was good to me this weekend, I actually got to go early to.    I knew we were going out of town, and was so sad that my little girls preschool had their big yard sale the same weekend.   Well, I saw the people starting to set stuff up on Thursday, and I walked through, explaining that I was legit - as I did teach music and chapel to the preschoolers.   I was so excited, that I could at least just see a little of what was going to be there.    I walked away from this early bird special with these fun things.

My parents have a barn like this for their nativity, and I've always wanted one for our nativity scenes.   It was fun to think about Christmas, too.

I couldn't wait to show my 4 year old what surprise I had for her for our trip....

Those things are like $40!!!   Not mine - mine was only $3!!

And this will be perfect for lemonade on a cold day this summer!   And just in time - I can't find my other clear pitcher anywhere!!    It was the big price of a quarter. 

That's all folks.     I'm looking forward to hearing about your fun finds, too!

Holding Back

I felt myself start to cry today.   It was at a bad time, and it wouldn't have made sense at all to anyone around me, and so I didn't let myself think about the sad thing, and just distracted myself to what I "had" to do.   It was just a bad time to fall apart.  

But that's the thing, there's never a good time to fall apart.   There's never a good time to feel sad about something.   It's never fun.   It's never a good feeling.    And usually, in my life, I don't welcome it, even when I feel it coming.    And then, the moment has passed, and you've "made it through" without crying.  Like it's a victory or something.   

But what makes me sad, is that my soul doesn't need another victory of stoicism and strength.  I need to be weak, so He can be strong.   I need to be broken so that He can mend.   And I need to be down in the ashes so that He can make me, all of me, beautifully whole.    It's been my nature for so long now to conquer those emotions, that it's a whole new lesson.  And it's hard to learn.  

When I used to play piano, I would learn the song mainly by ear, because I was really bad at sight-reading.   It was so much easier to hear my teacher play it, and then to duplicate that.   However, almost always, I would teach myself a mistake, and because I wasn't reading from the notes, I wouldn't catch it.   And usually, it would be hard for the teacher to catch it because it would sound almost perfect.   But, it wasn't.    It was wrong.  And I had learned it the wrong way.   It would take twice as long to go back and re-teach myself, and my hand to go the right way; to play it the right way.   And I would have to read the music, to make sure it was right.  Because every time, my finger would reach for that one note that I had learned the first way.

So I'm trying to relearn how I feel things.   And how I think about emotions.  To know that it's not weak to cry.  Or wrong to let them show.   Even typing that sounds so sissy.     But I know that the Lord will continue to give me grace, and will continue working to bring this good work to completion.    

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."    Psalm 51:17

Better Than A Yard Sale

I know you're all dying to know about yard saleing on Sat. (haha) but I didn't get to go this weekend.  Instead, I was able to see some of the most precious kids in the world get the chance to live out some of their dreams.   It wasn't the olympics, but it might as well been for how amazing some of them did.   

I have the privilege of working with children from our neighborhood in an afterschool program.   These kids don't get a lot of opportunities to do the things that you and I were privey to as kids.   They don't have private art or dance lessons, annual trips to the mountains and/or beach, fun outings to get ice cream, or even to go to an occasional baseball game.   So you can imagine how neat it was for them to be able to participate in the Children's Race at the marathon on Saturday.

We were blessed to have one of our tutors offer to sponsor any of the children that wanted to participate in the race.   So we got them signed up, and they were picked up by their tutor by 7:45 on Sat. morning, and brought them to race.   You know, we should have trained them, and bought them all running shorts, and had them all prepared.   However, much like the apple pie incident, we were the last minute contestants, who hadn't really well prepared, and our poor kids were running in their baggy, saggy, jeans, and their worn out sneakers.     But they couldn't wait.   And run, they did.

Here are a couple pictures of some of our cuties.

The most amazing part, was not seeing our kids place first, second, and third in almost every age category, though that was pretty great.   The greatest part to me, was seeing our tutors give one of their Saturday mornings, to make something wonderful happen for these little ones.    To show these children that they do deserve a chance to run.   That they are special enough to get up early and spend a morning with.   And that they are talented enough to be a part of (and even win) an extraordinary event.   It blessed my heart more than a hundred yard sales.

Yard Saleing; 101

I'm so excited that it's yard sale season again.    I don't know if I've talked about it here before, but I'm quite the bargain hunter and I love yard sales.   I usually can't and won't pay full price for something.    And once you've gotten things for next to nothing at yard sales, it's even harder to see the full price at retail stores.   So, for any of you, who may feel intimidated by this past time that I love so much, I have decided to share with you the joy of yard sale-ing.    I hope that as you journey with me, you will learn how to get better bargains,  find what you're really looking for, and find new ways of enjoying this part of the summertime!

Now, let me just give a disclaimer before I begin - this is in no way to brag about my finds.   Just simply to share how fun it really can be to grab your coffee and biscuit and go on your merry way. And don't be surprised if you hear me whisper a prayer along the way to lead me in the right direction!

Last Saturday I participated in a yard sale with my friend Whitney and so I didn't go last week. And now that we have a little soccer player, my schedule looks a little different than last summer.   However, no matter what time of Sat. morning it is, the principals remain the same. 

Here are my 7 principals that always seem to help me!

1.   Always start with a prayer - I'm serious y'all!   I always just say, "Lord, you know our needs, so I pray that you would show me where to go."   And He truly does.   Sometimes, I find exactly what I went out to get, and sometimes, like yesterday, I get surprised by things that I've needed or wanted for a while, but just haven't been able to get.   And sometimes, I don't find anything - but not often.  =)

2.    Decide on a budget (preferably a cash budget, but I have been known to write a check once or twice!)

3.   Look for the signs!    Even if it's not in the paper, keep your eyes peeled for the neon signs, and they'll lead you all the way there!    I tend to not be a "map it all out" kind of a girl anyway, but if you are, than get yourself a paper, and go at it!    I tend to just drive around to well traveled roads, and look for signs.

4.    Keep an open mind.   Don't be so set on finding one thing, that you don't see what's behind that ugly stuffed animal - it could be a Mikasa French White pitcher that will be awesome for iced tea this summer (or for flowers on a table anytime) for $1!

5.   Always check and see what's there!  You don't have to stay long, but it's good to walk all the way up to just check and see what's hiding on the table of mismatched china.    (I've even been known to do the occasional drive by and slowly scan over the yard merchandise to see if any of it's of interest.  How tacky am I?!)

6.   Don't be afraid to barter!!!    If they say $5, ask if they'll take $3.   If they say no, no big deal, but 9 times out of 10, they'll take a lower offer.   After all, they're the ones trying to get rid of their stuff (their junk!) and they want it gone!!!!   Also, another trick is that if you want to pay less per item, buy a couple of things, and then offer one price for everything.

7.   Don't be afraid to show how much you like something!    When people see how much you love something, they WANT it to go home with you.   Chances are, they loved it once upon a time, too, so they're glad to see it go to a good home.    Also, if you love it, they're more likely to go down on the price for you.

This week, I started out with $15.   Coming home from the soccer game, we hit a few spots, and boy did we find some steals!

This is me with this week's goods!

River has started to pick things out for herself, and was on the hunt for some new flip flops, but instead we found a couple shirts, a cute dress for the Fall, and 2 pairs of brand new shoes all for $2.   She also got some baby doll clothes and blankets as freebies, but they didn't make the picture.

I wasn't looking for any, but when I saw this great fabric, I just had to ask how much.   She was set on $2 a panel, but for lined 84" panels, so would I!   So, I looked around, and we got the before-mentioned clothes for River, and the drapes, all for $5.    (The clothes had been price at $1 each, but instead, she sold the dress and 2 shirts for $1 because of getting the drapes, too.)

The vacuum was less than a year old, worked great, the seller was moving, and already had another one, and the clincher...was only $3!   (ours Hoover is very old, and we bought it used, so it needed to be replaced.)    

Now for my favorite find of the weekend -

How can you not love a like new, tailored black pea coat for $2!!!    I also got a really cute pink J.Crew French Terry hooded sweat shirt from this same lady for $2.   

So there ya go.  I still had $2 left from my budget, and returned home very happy with new (or new to me) goods!    Hope you'll turn in next week, to see what else you could find!    See you at the sales!

Free Falling

I'm not really afraid of heights.   But one time, I did a high ropes course.   I thought that it would be fun, and a pretty easy thing to do.    Once I got hooked up and all geared up on the ropes, I began to step out onto the rope.   As I stepped out, my legs wouldn't stop shaking.   I mean, like you could see them shaking and moving the rope under them.   I really wanted it to stop shaking so that I could walk out onto the rope.  Because I knew that I couldn't really walk on the rope while my legs were shaking profusely.   Could I?

As I stood there, rope before me, 50 feet in the air, and people below, waiting their turn, I knew the only choice I had was to walk out onto the rope.   So, very hesitantly, with legs still going crazy, I began to step out.  One foot in front of the other, until I was across the first leg of my journey.

If you've done a ropes course before, you probably know that you are not just up there, without anything.   I was strapped in, and had a vest that went through my legs, and around my chest that was hooked with huge strong ropes to the beam above me.   If I had slipped, and fallen off the rope, I wouldn't have fallen all the way to the ground.   I would have just slipped off the rope, and then hung by the vest and ropes, for a few seconds until I was lowered down.   But for me to fall was not an option.   I was scared to death of falling.   My mind knew that I wouldn't have gotten hurt, but I still was completely afraid of the thought of falling.

My life has kind of felt like a free fall lately.   Knowing that I needed to step out in faith, but also not knowing what the course might really be like, once I got out there.   I wasn't really afraid in the beginning to step out, but now that I'm on the course, I've had pretty shaky legs.   Partly because things haven't gone as smoothly as I thought they might have.  And partly because whenever you are walking by faith it feels very intense, and sometimes pretty scary.  

I continued on the ropes course, little by little, step by step.    I got to the end of the course, and came to the place where you're supposed to jump out and reach for this bar to grab onto, and then free fall, and then just hang there.   And, I'm standing there looking off the ledge, like, "Yeah, right!!   I mean, if it was that hard to walk on the ropes, how in the world am I just gonna jump.  Why did I even do this stupid course in the first place??!!"    And I just remember the Father saying to me, "Don't you know, I won't let you fall?"  "Don't you trust me to catch you?"

And even though I was still completely scared, I knew that I had to jump.   I knew that I had to trust Him.   Why was it so hard, though?   I knew in my mind that I would be fine.  It was convincing my heart to let go and trust.

Even though it was a silly little ropes course, I learned how hard it is for me to trust the Lord to be there for me.    And today, I'm thankful that I jumped and saw that He really will catch me.  He really does have me in the palm of His hand.

My Mind is on the Brink

I'm so tired.   This has been a long week.   And an especially long weekend.    Usually I don't want to gripe on the blog, you know, and sound like a downer.   But tonight as we were hosting a small gathering of people at our house, we ended up talking with a couple who is about to have their first baby.    They were saying how they are really wanting to soak up these last few Saturdays of sleeping in, and getting full nights rest.   And when I think about it, that's really the only thing that I truly miss about the days before parenthood.    I mean, sure it's fun to go out on a whim, and even late at night if you want, and not have to plan for a sitter.   But, realistically, that didn't happen all that much anyway.   And, we do fun things now as a family that I value a ton.   But the sleep....I miss the sleep.     

If I'm completely honest, I can't blame my lack of sleep from the last few nights solely on my children.   There are plenty of other things that have kept me up late (projects, cleaning, etc.)   So part of it is my own fault for just doing too much.     And part of it is feeling totally emotionally overwhelmed right now, too.     Wanting to trust the Lord in the midst of chaos, but really struggling to know how to do that.     I know that I can choose to rest in Him, despite the unknown, and despite feeling like things are falling apart around me.   But to even choose rest feels draining.    Isn't that an oxymoron.   I feel like an oxymoron.     Especially the moron part.   Ok, now I'm just getting to my punchy stage, so I'll spare you any more stupid puns.

Thanks, blog world, for being a safe place to vent, even when I'm grumpy and soooo tired.

Have I Told You Lately That I Love Him?

Have I told you lately how much I love my husband? He's wonderful. He comes home from a hard days work, and what he wants to do more than anything is to be with me and the two little ones. He loves finding out what it is that I like, and then helping me to have that - whether it's making something, or rearranging furniture until 1am (which we did not do tonight), or making me a cup of hot tea to help me wind down at the end of the day. He loves to love me. And he loves me well. And I could not be more grateful.

I remember telling my dad about him when we were seriously dating. I said to my dad, "He really loves me a lot." And it was like this newfound understanding of being loved by someone the way God intends us to be loved by our husbands. The way that he continually lays down his life day after day to show me selfless and sacrificial love, is something that is truly a gift from God. I know that he's not perfect, and he does track mud through the house sometimes (haha). But he has always shown me what it means for "Husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her." I never really understood what that kind of love would look like from a husband until I knew him.

He's the reason you get to hear all these fun songs now. He knew that I would never spend the time to figure out how to get a "play list" on my blog, but he also knows how much I love music. So, he spent some minutes sitting down at the computer, fiddling around until he figured it out. Then he showed me how to do it (because you know, I'm an imbecile when it comes to these things), and now you know why I'm still up. But there's a lot of music. I've only picked out 66 of my 100 songs, but I figure I better hit the hay.

Hope of a Life Spent with You

Something that has always been hard for me to understand is why some people seem to have more hardships than others.  This is not a proven philosophy or anything, it just seems common that people that have experienced loss or grief, seem to have more loss and grief than others.    You’d think that tragedy would even itself out a little more - you know, a little to everyone; to share the loss between all of humanity.   

I used to get really upset that life wasn’t fair.  I would shout to my mom in a moment of anger, “That’s not fair!”  and she would calmly reply, “Sweetie, life’s not fair.”  Which would only upset me more, really.   I think my usual response was a heartfelt cry of, “WHY???”   To which she would say, “It’s just not.”   Why isn’t it?   Why do some people lose their parents at such an early age and never grow up knowing them?   Why do we have disease infect the youngest of children who have no ability to comprehend what is happening to their body?   Why do people die by the second from hunger and malnourishment all around the world?   Why do some people choose to abandon their own family, and refuse to have any relationship with them whatsoever?    And as you well know, the list goes on forever.

We went to a memorial service yesterday of a baby girl who had Trisomy 18 (a genetic disorder where you have too many of the 18th chromosome), and only lived for 22 hours.   As we listened to our friend share about his precious daughter, I couldn’t help but wonder why.    Why had God allowed this family to have this happen, especially with the other struggles of loss that they have already faced?  But what amazed me, was that he wasn’t asking why.   Rather, he chose to say how faithful God had been through all of this.  How he’d been blessed to know his little girl for as long as he had.  How through believing God’s truth, he’s been able to fight off the lies that would tell him, “God doesn’t care about you”, and, “This is all there is, she’s dead now, and that’s it.”   He talked about how he knew that Hope was more alive now than any of us sitting in that room.   He chose to continue to praise God, not for the situation at hand, but because He is still worthy of our praise.

But that choice doesn’t come easy.   It’s a choice to lay down our own bitterness and anger.  A choice to surrender our plan for how things would go.   A choice to allow God to be a part of our lives, even when tragedy and loss surround us.   A choice for life.

We sang “Here I am to Worship” during the service, and as tears rolled down my face, I remembered how hard it was to sing songs of worship and praise soon after my mom had died of brain cancer.   I remember not wanting to sing at first, even though I knew the words were still true.   I didn’t want to say that God was good and that He was faithful.  But just because my mom died, it didn’t mean that God’s character had changed.   It just made it harder to understand His plan.    It didn’t make His plans bad for me, even though the situation at hand was very bad.    I had to surrender my own hurt to be able to offer Him my praise.   And it was so hard.    It was the hardest choice I ever made.   And I had to make it many days, through many tears.  But I knew that choosing to praise Him in the midst of it, was the only way that I would be able to know peace.

I think I thought that if I said, “God is good.   He still loves me.   He still is working, and has good plans for me,”  that I would be saying that it was ok to lose my mom.    That I didn’t mind having her die.    But really, it wasn’t saying that at all.   I think that inviting God into my grief allowed me even more to see how much I was hurting, and how He was hurting with me.   That he hated it as much as I did.   That it made Him sad too, and that it was ok to say that it really sucked.    He knew that it did.    He grieved with me.   And still does.

Today’s the anniversary of losing my brother in law 2 years ago, and again today, I am faced with sadness of him being gone.   At how much I wish he was at the soccer games with his boys.  Or building the tree house in their yard.  Or see the look on his face when his wife told him how she got into nursing school, just like he knew she would.  But, just like our friends, I am choosing to believe that we will see him again.  That he does live on, and that he is more alive than even we are.  It’s that hope, of a life spent not only here, but with Him.   And I’m so glad that we have that offer, too.

“Death has no more dominion over Him...in that He lives, He lives unto God.  Likewise consider yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive to God.”  Romans 6:9-11 

Quick & Easy?

A friend of mine and I were at Target yesterday, and as we were checking out, she noticed the "Five Ingredient Meal" magazine.     I think that I have this disbelief that things that only have a couple ingredients, are ok, but not really THAT good.    But, I think that's just because I don't really have a lot of recipes like that.   I didn't have time to look through the magazine and see what they had, but it made me think about how nice it is to only have a couple ingredients and still have really yummy dishes!   So, blog world, what's your favorite quick and easy meal?   I'm home this weekend, and I'd love to have a new meal for my family to enjoy!

You Know What's Grosser Than Gross?

Do you remember when kids use to say, "You know what's grosser than gross?"  and then they'd proceed to tell you something extremely disgusting that you could only think of if you were trying to dig in the nastiest garbage pail of their mind and make something up to make you want to throw up?     How much of a competition it was?    And what about the whole Garbage Pail Kids collection cards?  How you tried to get the nastiest kid, and then show it to all your friends.  I collected those babies!  Yeah, remember those?   I know you've been wanting to repress them, but no more.    Now you may be thinking, that my last blog was pretty disgusting, with all the throw up talk.   And I'm sure that now I've officially lost several readers for using the phrase "throw up" an exorbitant amount over the last 2 posts.   Well, I'll get on with it.

I've been ignoring it, and it's been growing nastier.   The backseat of my car has been absolutely disgusting for the last few days.   Ok, weeks.     I finally decided to try to get some of the crap up.   Not out of choice.  Because I couldn't find the remote control that goes with the DVD player in the backseat to turn on the movie.   So, still haven't found the remote, but here's my list.   And I bet the backseat of my car is grosser than yours - by a long shot.

an old juice box carton

banana peel

the end of the banana

my coffee thermos (still filled with old nasty coffee)

pine cone (I was hoping to make a bird feeder - that never happened)

container with old cheese from a Handi Snack

hundreds of craisins, raisins, cheerios, and other crumb assortment

granola bar 1/2 way eaten

cream cheese container leftover from panera (yes the day we went when asher threw up)

an "emission" container (that thankfully did not have to be used)

consignment sale tag with huge safety pin attached

a frog bath toy

crayons

coloring book

baby doll bib

hair clips with hair stuck in them

paper bag

plastic bag

Etcha Sketch

plastic sand rake

car tray

note pad

diaper

bag of wipes

used wipes (for hands thankfully)

random paper trash/receipts

jar of peanut butter

water bottle

stale pretzels

lawn chair

diaper backpack

pair of dirty socks

mixing bowl

bendy straw

used juice box straw

sticks

acorns

leaves

1/2 eaten Harris Teeter free cookie

old preschool project of River's

I have no idea how I fit the kids in.

The Throw Up Tales

Well, Tuesday ended up being a day of cleaning for me.   With an old house like ours, even after vacuuming, mopping, and straightening, it still doesn't always feel that different, but at least I know it's been cleaned.   I particularly enjoyed tidying up the bathroom, and hanging a mirror where the kids could see themselves while brushing their teeth, and even wiping all the way down to the base of the toilet.   I'm so glad that I spent all that time cleaning the bathroom (sense the sarcasm), because all Tuesday, Wednesday, and even today, the whole family has been seeing a closer side of the toilet than we'd like.    

Randy called me Tuesday from work, saying how nauseous he felt, and after hoping that none of us would get Asher's throw up bug, I was less than happy to hear it.    He continued working, at a slower pace, and came home and went straight to bed.   Later on, after I had gotten the kids in bed, River ran out telling me that Asher was throwing up in bed.   "Crap! Again?!"  were my immediate thoughts, seeing as it was the fourth day of this thing that was plaguing his little body.   Later on, it was me who was in and out of sleep, with only pictures of vomit waking me up.   Nice, huh?   I finally got up, and went to the toilet and did what I knew was coming no matter how hard I tried to deny it.    So, needless to say, the last couple days have not been fun. River came in this morning at 5, saying, "Daddy, throw up in my bed."     Poor sweetie.   She's still not feeling well.   

So, instead of being able to be "intentional" and have a fun week on our spring break, basically all we've been is cooped up in this sick house, laying on the couch and waiting for the plague to leave us alone.

With this whole sickness thing, though, I'm always confronted with my own selfishness.   The first thoughts even while helping my own children in their discomfort are often, "Uuggghh, I really don't want to get this."    or, "Don't breath, just don't breath.  And now go antibac your hands, and then go take a scalding shower to kill all the germs..."    Aren't I a terrible mother?!   But you know, with friends, the first thing you think of when you hear how someone else's kid is sick, is, "How long ago were we with them?   Shut!   I hope we don't get it!"    It's always about me, me, me.    It makes me sick.   (no pun intended)     And I see more than ever how much I need Christ.    What if he had thought, "You know, I really don't want to get icky sin all over me."   or, "I don't want to be beaten and tortured for something I didn't do."  or   "I think I'll stay away from all those sick people, because I really don't want to contract anything to keep me from my ministry."

I feel like our reaction to bad news or things that we can't control, is so often, "How will it effect me?  What does this mean for me?  How will I deal with this?    What will I do?"   Usually we aren't so likely to be selfless and think, "Oh, I wonder how I could help them?   or, I wonder how they're dealing with this.    How will they need help?"    If we do think this way, usually it is after all of the self-analysis, and self-induced situations have been thoroughly thought through, and meditated on.

But this morning, Randy and I were talking, and he said that as we were taking care of River this morning (holding her hair back, while she stood over the toilet, giving her a bath, changing her sheets, laying down in bed with her to help her fall back asleep) he thought about all the children that don't have anyone to take care of them while they're sick.   How they have to throw up on the street, and then do what?   No one strokes their hair, and rubs their face off with a cool wash cloth.   Who gives them a bath and tucks them back into bed.   And it is so sad to think of.    It wasn't with any guilt or condemnation as he was thinking of it, just more of a realization and compassion filling his heart for the little ones of this world who aren't as fortunate as our children.   So, in our sickness, even though it's no fun, and definitely not a part of life that I like, I'm thankful for our home, our beds, and our bathtub where we can all rest and recuperate.     And I pray for those on the street, that they would somehow know there is a Father who longs to comfort them.   To be a Father to them.   To love them.

Too Cold for Berks Today

Spring was her favorite season. When the Bradford Pears and Dogwoods start blooming, and the daffodils begin to pop their heads out after a long winter, when Easter is right around the corner, (or has just passed)... that's when I think of her more than ever. I always think of this picture, and have to pull it out. I love it because it represents her so much. Coming out of a springtime church service, searching in her purse for her keys, whistling whatever worship song got stuck in her head, walking in the warmer air with one of her many pairs of Berkinstocks on her feet.

She was a teacher, but not only to those in her class. Whenever she had her spring break, we would almost always take a trip down to the beach. When I would wake up on those mornings at the beach, usually I would find her sitting on the balcony of the condo, in the sun, with her big (and usually red) sunglasses on, reading a book. She would already have her bathing suit on, with her straps pulled down off her shoulders. I would lean down and give her a kiss, and smell her hawaiian tropic that she had faithfully put on. Even in the early morning sun, she would soak so much in that her chest and nose would begin to turn pink. She would ask me how I had slept, and if I wanted whatever yummy thing she had brought out for breakfast. I usually would sit with her for a minute out in the sun, before running off on one of my adventures with one of my friends, or to meet some new boy. I wish that I had sat with her longer. Asked her what she loved about the book she was reading. Talked with her about why she loved looking out at the beach so much. Or just sat and watched as she soaked in the sun. Just to be with her a little longer would have been nice.

I miss those days. Especially on cold days like today, while I'm on "spring break" but not really having a break. Days when I think my family is finally well enough to venture out into the world, but only to find the truth at Panera when my child projectile vomits up his lunch. Not really my idea of a fun lunch date. But we made it home. And after all the icky clothes were in the wash, and the baby had had a bath, and gone down for a nap, it was fun to snuggle up on the couch with my little girl and watch a movie. It reminded me of something we would do on the rainy days on spring break down at the beach. Even if it was cold and wet, we were still assured good time together. Watching movies, playing cards, doing puzzles, whatever it was, it was just fun to be together. So, even though we're not down at the beach this week, I'm looking forward to a slower week. A week of recovery, yes, but also, a week to have fun together. To be intentional with each other, and to just sit together...a little bit more.

Time After Time

I can remember dressing up, pink lacy gloves complete, and dancing the day away, while I blared my Madonna, Cindy Lauper, and Michael Jackson in my living room.    I guess that's why the other night attending an 80's party didn't feel that weird.   I think some part of me still thinks that it's cool to look like this.    You know how when you are young, you take to something soooo much, that it somehow becomes a part of you, even though it's not really cool anymore?   Yay, that's how I felt the other night.    It was really great to be able to be silly and celebrate a good friend.    She was definitely surprised, which was great.    Here are some pics from our nostalgic evening -  happy birthday, birthday girl!!!

Go Heels!

I've been sick for the last couple of days with some type of flu bug, and so my main place of resting (as usual when I'm sick) has been on the couch in the living room. My kids play in there, which means I can still supervise, even if mentally not quite as astute. However, there's been one perk to being sick for these last couple days, as the couch is located directly across from the tv. And, in case you're not into college basketball, we're right in the middle of the ACC Tournament. Usually, I would only have peeked in on some of the games to check the scores, and see who's going to play who, and then of course watched the Tarheels play. But because I've been laid up on the couch, I've had the luxury of watching every game. And even though my 16 month old son only says about 5 words, now "Ba-be-ball" (basketball) has entered into his vocabulary. And his jump shot is improving watching how Tyler Hansbrough puts it in. =)

Yay for Local Dives!

Maybe its because we're moving this summer. Maybe it's just because I like finding little hole in the wall places that I love. Maybe it's because from the time I was 6 months old until I 3 1/2, one of the main places my family ate was a little dive in San Diego, called El Indio. But whatever the reason, we finally tried this dive of a Mexican restaurant tonight, and loved it.

We've gone to the usual places since college, every now and then. But never like on a once a week basis. But for the last few months, I've been wanting to find what I would be able to call "the best Mexican place in town". To have our own, yummy Mexican place, where we know the staff, and we love the salsa, and it's our place. Well, we found it, and we love it. Have I said that, yet? The great thing is, is that it's a couple blocks from our house.

I didn't feel like making dinner tonight, and we hardly ever go out. But tonight I said to Randy as he was finishing up working out in the shed, "I really wish we could go to that Mexican place." And with the wonderful response that I was hoping for, we got cleaned up (Asher had yogurt in his hair from breakfast -yes, breakfast- had soaked his overalls with water that he had tried drinking from a nalgene all by himself, and dirt all over him from laying down in the mulch how River had done when she had fallen off the playground equipment) and went out!

We pulled up in less than 2 minutes, and proceeded to have a great Mexican meal, where we spoke Spanish (broken, mind you) with the waitresses, shared a Tecate, had delicious salsa, caught glimpses of a soccer game on ESPN (Randy's favorite sport, but we never get to see because we don't get "big cable"), ate yummy burritos, tacos, quesadillas, enchalidas, etc., and even got dessert chimis (cheesecake stuffed in a buttery sugared tortillas). It was very fun, and very reasonable. When we got home, River said in reference to the car trip, "That was short!" Which is all the more reason why, we'll definitely see you soon, San Luis.

Yay for local dives.

I've Been Tagged...

So, I've been tagged, by my friend Whitney and I'm supposed to share 7 strange things about myself. I don't know where to start, and I definitely don't know how I'll keep it to only 7. But here goes. You're gonna see how weird this girl really is.

1. I have to "sweep" out the sheets every night before I get in them. No, not with a broom, gross! With my hand, to make sure that all the grit is out, before I lay down. And then I have to brush my feet off, before I put them in, to make sure I'm not adding any grit to the "clean" sheets.

2. I have to pop my zits. I can never leave them, because if you don't get the stuff out, how can they heal?! It's like they're begging me to get all the nasty stuff out.

3. When I go back up to buffets I hold my stomach in so that people won't think that I've eaten too much already. (Now, I realize this is showing how deep my issues are, but oh well.)

4. I love to dance, but I only dance my heart out when no one's watching. But I wish I could dance like that all the time, because I'm way better when no one's watching.

5. I've had really bad handwriting my entire life. It's the only thing I used to get "Ns" in when I was in elementary school. So if I want it to look good, I have to take a long time, and make it really funky and curly. But, I'll do that just to hide what it really looks like. And yes, I'm a lefty.

6. I like the way cigarette smoke smells from a distance. Not too overpowering, and right in front of you, and never when I'm eating. But just having it kind of drift past me is nice.

7. I chew my ice cream. I know, I don't need to. But it just needs to be mushed up more.


So, there ya have it. Now, tag, you're it, Randy, Kari, Emily, Meredith, Carrie, and Diane!

The Price is Right

I start getting excited about the consignment sales at about the first of the year. It's always a long time to wait from the fall consignments in Aug. /Sept. till the spring/summer consignments in Feb. So, I start thinking about what my kids might need, you know, making a mental list. Or I think to myself, "Oh, I'll have to try to get one at the consignment sales." Well, maybe it was because I was busy, or because there's not a ton of extra cash right now, but this year, I showed much self control. I waited until the consignment sale was half-off prices day.

If you know how kids consignment sales work, you know that by Saturday (1/2 off day) things are pretty well picked over. They have gone through the "consigners preview sale" where all the people who have donated items to the sale get first pick at what is for sale. That's Thursday night. Then you have the first full open to the public day on Friday. So by the time Sat. roles around, the things that are still cute, are usually either chosen to not be half off, and the sellers usually want too much for it, or they're items from the early 90's.

But I decided I would take the risk, and just go and see. However, I did have both kids. And it was mid morning. At first, I didn't see very much. But then, I began looking a little closer. Then my 1 year old, began screaming, and therefore, I couldn't think very clearly, so I just grabbed what I liked, and didn't take the time to add. The longer I was there, the more I saw, and the more I wanted the great deals. Shirts for him, dresses for her. "$1 for these Polo shorts! Brand new Gap capris for only $2! You can never have too many T-shirts, and only .50 cents!" You get the picture.

Thinking that I was at about $50, I decided to check out. Not to mention the still screaming 1 year old. I had gone in with just my cash, because I "knew" that I wouldn't spend more than that. I asked the lady ringing me up where I was about 1/2 way through. When she said $46 I kind of freaked out, and then said, "I'll be right back. I have to get my check book."

So, yeah, my plan kind of backfired. I did get some good stuff, and the ball toy will keep my son happy for hours. (That's what all the screaming was about, btw. That he couldn't take out the ginormous inflatable ball toy, with all the the millions of plastic balls, and play with them.) But as much of a "self controlled" decision as I was hoping for. When the price is right, the deals win me over every time.

Baby, I'm Afraid You're A Lot Like Me

Four years ago, this evening, I sat with a tiny baby girl in my arms. I hadn't known it would be her, and I wasn't sure how to be a mommy. All I had known was that a baby was coming, and it would be mine to love.

After 24 hours of labor, I had a beautiful girl placed in my arms, and I had never seen such beauty. She looked up at me with such wide eyes and a silky dark hair, and I remember my first thought was that she resembled one of my baby pictures. There was a familiarity in her eyes, that I saw. After months of wondering what this unknown baby would look like, here she was in front of me, and all I could think, was that she reminded me of me.

Since that moment of first laying eyes on my daughter, I have grown to love her in so many ways. I love how she embraces life with passion and excitement. I love how she is zany and silly. I love the compassion she has for others, and the willingness to stick to something, even when it's so hard it makes her cry.

Even though I don't hold her on my chest the way I did that evening four years ago, I still sometimes lie close beside her, and look over her face, and wonder. I wonder how I will bless her, and how I will fail her. How I will show her love, how I will not. How will I be her mother, and but also her friend? How will I teach her to be a woman after the Lord's heart, and yet have the confidence to walk through her deepest doubts asking Him to show her the way? How can I teach her to be a woman of truth and courage, with strength and passion? How will I show her how to embrace joy and sorrow, and to love relentlessly? I do not know the answers to these questions. I only know that no matter what I do, or don't do, the Lord has chosen her to be my little girl, and me to be her mommy. And because of that I know that He will show me how.

I still see so much of myself in River. Sometimes because of that it makes it hard for me to be as gracious and patient with her. But I desperately want to. So much of the time, when I pray for her, I pray for myself. And vice versa. Because the same strengths I have, she has. And the same weaknesses I have, she has. It brings me joy, and it scares me to death. But I know that the Lord is big enough to love her through it all, just as He has me. I love the words of this Sara Groves song, because it's exactly how I feel when I think about River.

Baby, I'm afraid you're a lot like me.
You can't help feeling everything.
I can see you trying to hold it in.
I see your eyes, and your trembling chin.

And for you, and myself, I will pray.
That our weakness becomes our strength.

Baby there some holes you just can't fill.
You try and you try, but you never will.
Baby, I believe a God who can.
He loves the boy, and He'll love the man.

And for you and myself, I will pray.
That our weakness becomes our strength.

She brings me so much joy. I love her more than I ever knew I could. Happy Birthday, baby girl.

Happy Snow Day!

So instead of thinking, Happy Valentine's Day, the other morning, we were surprised with a snow day! I know it's been a couple of days already, but I'm just now getting around to documenting. It's a pretty big deal, seeing as it will probably be a year before we see any more of it. This was Asher's first exploration of snow, so it was very fun to introduce him to our "friend" (for all your Gilmore Girls fans).










meet Harry....

The Difference Is...

My grandmother sometimes references when she was a young mother. I love hearing her stories about what it was like, then, verses now. And many times I wish for a time like then, for a simpler time. But many times, I'm thankful.

The other night, I decided to make my mom's homemade "Old Fashion Chicken Pot Pie". It used to be my one of my favorites, especially on a cold day. But, I've never actually made it. Just the recipe is like a whole page long, so yes, it feels a bit intimidating.

Well, it was about 4:30, and the chicken was frozen - yes, a whole chicken. We don't have a microwave (out of choice) and so I don't usually defrost meat in a hurry. But, after a quick chat with my sister, I decided, it would take a little while, but it would be worth it. Need I remind you that it was 4:30.

At first, I was like, this doesn't take that much longer than the way I do it. I don't know why I always do the shortcut version. That was the first hour.

My husband got home at 6:15, and I told him we still had a little while before dinner. I didn't know we had another hour and a half.

So, my poor children were starving, but dag on it, we had our "Old Fashion Chicken Pot Pie" and I realized why my grandmother didn't have time to get on the floor and play with her children. And I also realized why my mom didn't make this recipe very often.

We ate at 8pm. Yes it was delicious, but after that, I think I'll stick to my quick and easy version.

But that's part of the problem. It makes me sad that we don't ever choose the longer, harder, more strenuous version of whatever it is, anymore. We have shortcuts for everything, and we use them - proudly. I'm the queen of wanting something done quick. I know that my grandmother sometimes gets a teary look in her eye when she talks about not spending time that she wished she had with her little ones, but after just trying something the old-fashioned way one evening, I can understand why. They wouldn't have been able to do anything!

I wish there was a way to meet in the middle. To value the quality, but to not always have to be in such an efficient mindset. To not cram so much into life that we miss what's really there. I know, sometimes even with all the shortcuts I use, life still feels overwhelming. I don't have to do my laundry by hand, I have a washer and dryer, but when I see the never-ending piles, I want to hide it all under my bed, and just go get new clothes. I hate laundry, and it never goes away.

Yesterday we had a surprise when we woke up. A gorgeous snow covered world to wake us up on Valentine's Day. And instead of looking at dread at this...


...I found myself smiling at this...



What's the difference? The difference is that I had loved every minute of playing out in the snow, and seeing all the clothes and shoes piled up simply reminded me of time well spent with my family. But yes, I am quite thankful for my washer and dryer.

It's the Little Things...

i have a new love affair.  it's with these adorable little magnets.  i can't seem to make enough.  they've made me very happy.   i like things to look pretty.   not perfect, not necessarily polished, but pretty.   my fridge has felt very pretty with her new accessories.  it's like she's got jewelry now.   shhh...don't tell her that they're not really just for her.     i'll give her these.

or maybe these...

but these would look much better in my sisters kitchen

which, when i made them, i was thinking of my sweet big sister, and so i decided that this set would be called Carrie.  that lent me to the thought that each set of magnets should be named after someone.  wouldn't you like them better if they each had names?  it makes me like them so much more!   but it's also harder to let them go.    ok, do you see how this is an affair.

so, now, let me introduce you to...

RIVER

she's spunky, fun, and very pretty.

And the Winner Is....

"Charmed"!   Congratulations!    Thank you each for all your sweet comments and encouragement about my giveaway.  It was so fun!    And check out my Etsy shop and receive 10% off your first purchase.   

You Know How I Love Give-Aways!

Welcome to the blog give away! This is such a fun game, so come on and play! You never know, YOU might even WIN!!! Definitely stop on by Rocks in My Dryer to check out all of the hundreds playing this game!

want to see what you could win here...



this fun, unique, and hang-up anywhere "Joy" sign!

i love making these signs, and then hang them anywhere to add a little life to an area. they're great on doors, or walls, or on windows - wherever!

all you need to do to be entered into the giveaway is to be live in the US, and then just is post a comment, and you're in the raffle! i'll name the winner on saturday, feb. 1st! good luck!

A New Phase

If you can't tell, I go through phases. Phases of blogging, phases of clothes, phases of baking, phases of designing and redesigning...phases. And in my phases, usually I don't like doing much out of that phase. If I'm organizing, I'm organizing for hours. If I'm designing or making things, I'm not making dinner that night, I'm usually just making whatever it is that is making my house a wreck, but by golly, I'll finish it. Even if it takes till 3 AM.

When I was dating, I was not like some people who dated for months and years. I might date someone for about 2 weeks, and then that'd be it. They'd start getting on my nerves, or being boring, whatever. I don't think I even make it longer than a month until I was in college, and then my record breaking relationship was 4 months. That is, until I was smitten with the love of my life. I actually was very surprised when after a few months, still wasn't tired of him! He still keeps me guessing, and still gives me butterflies in my stomach.

But when it comes to friends, I have no phase. I love my friends. Probably too much sometimes. I love being with them. I love hearing about parts of their days or weeks that I've missed out on. I love blessing them with little messages or surprising them with treats. I cry when they cry. And I absolutely hate not being able to be there for them.

My friends are the most wonderful people in the world. Have I mentioned that my friends will do anything for me? Even volunteer to be criminals and murderers? Not just anyone will do that.

I think that as long as I can remember, one of my greatest fears has been that I will not be chosen. Not chosen to be included. Not chosen to be a part of something. Not chosen. The Lord has given me such affirmation through them time and time again, that even though every now and then I can still feel the hint of insecurity, it is so overwhelmingly ridiculous because of the gift of friendship that I have been given through so many people. And knowing that I've been chosen by Christ - not only just accepted, but chosen. That means that He really wanted me, and even though He saw all of me, He still chose me.

All that said, it's very easy for me to choose my friends, but sometimes hard for me to choose Christ. Not in the big "choosing Christ as my life" way, but just in every day things. You know, to stop my life long enough to be quiet with Him. Because choosing Him, means looking at Him...in me. Allowing myself to become more fully acquainted with Him - in me. Why is that so scary? I know me, I know all about me. I love me. Did you see how many times I just said me? Why would looking in be so hard?

So, I'm praying for time with Jesus, alone, and not necessarily not with friends, but I sure do love looking at them, and not so much me. Christ in me, the hope of glory. That's good news! Not something scary. I know that He will shed light into the dark, and bring truth where needed, as I begin to become more of a friend, to Christ in me.

Do You Know Why I'm Blogging?

The same reason my sister decided to do her taxes the other day instead of cleaning her house. I mean, who does that? Who would rather do taxes? Apparently, she would. I'm blogging right now, because I am the biggest procrastinator known to mankind. I wish that I had something wonderful to blog about....some new story or revelation that would knock your socks off.

But no, I'm simply procrastinating putting away my Christmas stuff. Yes, shame, shame, shame. I still have my tree up, and my wreath, and the lights outside, yes, everything. I do not want to take it down. And yes, by now, I am getting tired of it. We passed my birthday, and my sisters birthday, and after that, it really should be out. But it's not, it's still sitting here, mocking me. Knowing that I haven't the slightest motivation to get it out. And it's not even the fun, feathered, wild tree that it was. I took all the fun things out, so now it's just a half decorated tree with bare spots all over it. But it is plugged in. There's something about having it up, that means that it has to plugged in.

So while I love decorating and having my house feel welcoming and perfect for whatever season we're in, instead of moving away from Christmas and on toward Valentine's day, or just back to normal, I'm stuck in the doldrums of leftover Christmas. And even doing laundry at 10pm feels more appealing than tackling the tearing down of the tree.

I think that if I analyzed it a bit more, I would definitely see how similar I can get in my walk with the Lord. I so many times can just get "used" to having Christ in my life that it's just that. He's there, and I love Him being there, but I'm not really challenging my faith, or seeking out little extra quiet moments with Him. I procrastinate about spending time with Him, knowing that I'll get to it, eventually. Instead of knowing how much I need that time, how I can't do anything apart from Him, how only in Him am I able to rest and find freedom for my soul. I see him so much of the time as an inconvenience that I don't have time for. Oh, how I wish my eyes could be opened to the desperation of my soul. My flesh is so easily tricked into thinking that I have it all together, when in truth, I'm barely holding on. If I could loosen my grip, and let Him have my day, my schedule, my life, that I try to juggle all on my own so often, how I would see His hands upholding it all. And I could rest, truly rest, in Him. Then rather than procrastinating about spending time with Him, I would run desperately into His arms, again and again. Knowing that in Him, is where I am found.

I'm going, I'm going....it's coming down tonight.

Happily Over After

My sweet daughter is almost 4, and there are only a few times a day I might hear her slip up in what she says, or the way she phrases something. But I love the mess ups so much that sometimes I don't correct her. I know she'll be mad later, when all the other kindergarteners are laughing, but we'll deal with that later. These have been my recent favorites.

"Mommy, I'm helping Daddy stir the pantake battery!"

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29....29, 26, 27.." (I'm not ready to get to 30 either, baby!)

"We can warm it up in the microphone."

When I remembered something in the store today, she said loudly, "You're fart Mommy!" - she can't say the sm together. So, I guess, I fart.

She told an elaborate story tonight with her Daddy, and the first thing he said was,
"There once was an old frog..." and she added on,

"Who was walking around, and stopped to pick up a sashew made out of wood and magic."

We had to stop the story for a minute, while I said, "A what, sweetie? A cashew?"

"NO, MOMMY! A Sashew!" I got it after a second, a statue. =)

The story ended brilliantly with, "And he lived happily over after!"